Unswerving Loyalty
by McGemcity
Summary: Tim McGee had a short time as Senior Field Agent when Gibbs retired, he missed Gibbs but that didn't mean he wasn't proud to have Tony as his team leader. Explores the epic bromance that is Tim and Tony, starting from after Gibbs left and strengthening through all the ups and downs. Because the one thing they can count on is that the other will have their six.
1. He won't even have to ask

**I know I've vanished for the past few months and I apologise so much for that! I've been really busy with real life and haven't really had time to write. This also means it's been forever since I looked at my other stories and so they probably wouldn't flow properly until I've re read them and the notes I've got written down for where I want them to go. I was in a writing mood though and so I've just started this to give you something to read while I figure out what I'm doing with the others. **

**This is based on something Ziva said in my first story, Exploding and Crushing, where she commented that McGee defended Tony's appointment as team leader while Gibbs was gone.**

**I also want to say a quick thanks to people that review my stories, up until now my internet has been really slow connecting and sending so I haven't been able to reply individually, but hopefully I can now if I have time!**

**And I know I have no right to this, but quick favour, if anyone has had a story deleted for anything could you please take a look at His Realisation for me? I've had a couple of people warn me any M stories could be in danger but I don't think it's very graphic at all, but then I have no clue what kind of content has been picked up on.**

* * *

Having just been out on his break McGee strode down the corridor. The team was coping reasonably well considering. He wasn't sure if it just hadn't set in yet but in the week since Gibbs had left the team had continued to function. Sure it was different now, Tony hadn't quite mastered the art of being the all knowing leader, and agent Lee didn't quite fit, but they were coping. Tim stopped walking as a conversation floating around the corner caught his attention and interrupted his thoughts.

"I mean I get that he's been Gibbs' senior field agent and the team know him but DiNozzo a team leader? Disaster waiting to happen right?"

Tim frowned as he heard a snort of laughter and a noise of agreement, but didn't move forward just yet.

"Maybe it's just temporary you know? Until they can get someone else?"

This time the other person snorted, and McGee clenched his hands into fists as he listened to the reply.

"Maybe, I mean Gibbs did leave on short notice, they'll need time to find someone who comes close to his standard... bet McGee and David will be glad when they do."

It was at this point that McGee saw red and refused to stay silent any longer. Without even pausing to try and calm down he walked around the corner and fought the urge to glare at the two men standing there, wanting them to wonder if he had heard rather than making it obvious. It took an immense effort to keep his facial expression neutral but he thought he was managing it rather well considering the building fury he could feel moving through his body.

He felt his lips twitch slightly as the two men jumped and glanced at each other as they saw him approaching. Looking at them he realised he vaguely recognised them from around the building, from what he could remember they were both agents on Rollinson's team from the floor below, and were reasonably well liked.

He saw the uncertainty and awkwardness in their postures and the quick furtive glances they cast at his face to try and gauge his mood. Seeming to take the initiative the one on the right, he thought his name was Davies, offered a polite greeting.

"Nice to see you agent McGee."

His partner nodded his head in agreement, and mumbled something unintelligible.

"You too agents..." he trailed off with an apologetic look trying to project the politeness he knew he was famed for.

"Davies and that's Stinton." The agent provided, both him and his partner visibly relaxing slightly at the lack of hostility he was displaying.

"Sorry" McGee smiled slightly, trying to look friendly, " I'm sometimes really bad with names, it doesn't usually happen when I know someone well though."

He saw both agents nod and then frown slightly as they processed his words. Smirking to himself McGee continued.

"Of course I wasn't under the impression I knew the two of you that well at all, but you seem to be of a different opinion, so I apologise."

He saw them shift awkwardly and glance at each other before looking at him again,

"Agent McGee?" The obvious attempt at ignorance only fuelled the simmering anger and McGee gave a small predatory smile.

"It's just that from the conversation the two of you were having it seemed you thought you knew quite a bit about me, and how I was feeling."

He saw the undisclosed panic on their faces for a brief instant before they schooled their expressions and tried to look contrite.

"Agent McGee, we apologise..." Davies began to offer, and that was when McGee snapped.

"It's not me you should be apologising to" his voice was controlled but slightly raised, the uncharacteristic anger bursting forth in defence of his friend, his partner. "Agent DiNozzo is one of the most talented dedicated agents I have ever worked with, who taught me almost everything I know about doing this job, and I will not have you questioning my loyalty to him is that understood?"

He looked at them both and they quickly nodded,

"Yes he may behave like... well like DiNozzo, but that does not make him any less capable of leading this team. He's not Gibbs but that means nothing do you hear me? He is his own person with his own methods and as for coming close to Gibbs' standard?"

He paused making sure they were looking into his eyes so they could not doubt his sincerity,

"Agent DiNozzo does that. Every single time. There's not a man out there I would prefer to have my back and if while he's in charge he orders me to run into a burning building? I'll do that without a moment's hesitation, you know why?"

They both shook their heads minutely looking at him wide eyed,

"Because although I know he's going to order me to do some stupid stuff as a joke, It's DiNozzo, I know he would never, ever risk my life like that unless it was the only option... maybe not even then, and I know that he would do everything in his power to make sure I survived, and that he would be beside me every step of the way. If someone asked me to choose someone to entrust my life to Tony would be top of the list. Yes I'm going to joke with him, maybe question some things he does, but I will follow him to hell and back if he needs me to, he won't even have to ask. You got that?"

He looked between the two waiting for them to say something or turn and run. Davies cleared his throat before stepping forward.

"I... I really am sorry agent McGee. It's just from what I've heard..."

"Tony's an immature, irresponsible joker?"

Clearly debating whether it would be wise to answer that both Davies and his partner remained silent, so McGee continued.

"Because he is." He saw their heads jerk in shock. "That's just Tony. But you know what? That's only a part of Tony. Like the damn fine agent part, the loyal to a fault part, and the best partner, I could possibly ask for. "

"Again agent McGee we really are sorry, and we will apologise to agent DiNozzo..."

McGee interrupted them,

"No you will not, what you will do is never talk about my partner, my_ Boss_ like that again. He already knows what people are saying and he doesn't need it confirmed by two idiots who can't keep their mouths shut. You also won't be repeating this conversation to anyone, not even Tony, and if I hear you making any more comments about his lack of suitability to leadership I will pass on your opinions to the director and we'll see how she feels about you questioning her judgement, clear?"

They both nodded again and McGee smiled satisfied and calmed now that he had released all of the frustration.

"It was nice talking to you but my break's over... see you around."

He turned and started to walk away before another thought occurred to him and he grinned before turning back around. They were both still standing there looking mildly shocked and he smiled,

"One more thing." Both their heads snapped up and looked at him warily.

"I never presume to speak for agent David, but I think she agrees completely with me on this one, and if she hears you talking about DiNozzo like that?... Her anger takes a slightly different form. Just saying."

Grinning as he saw their faces pale at the implication he turned around and walked off. As he made his way back to the bull pen he thought over the last few minutes. He knew it was out of character for him to go off at someone like that but everyone on the team knew that the rumour mill had been buzzing and the whispered comments had been getting on McGee's nerves. He had seen Tony come back from wandering around the building looking slightly doubtful or insecure and knew he was starting to doubt his capability to lead. Everyone had been comparing him to Gibbs and in Tim's opinion that just wasn't fair. Tony though... Tony was starting to listen Tim knew and he didn't need idiots like Davies and Stinton to be walking around the building talking the way they had been. So far people had stopped when any of the team got close and they had just happened to be the unlucky pair to get all the frustration McGee had been building up unleashed on them.

* * *

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice the director standing in the corridor until he almost bumped into her. He stopped just in time and quickly offered an apology.

"Sorry Ma'am, almost didn't see you."

"Quite alright McGee." He went to continue on his way but was stopped as she began talking.

"I'm glad you approve." He froze for a second, his cheeks colouring as he realised she had overheard his rant. He hastily offered an explanation.

"I'm sorry I went off at them Ma'am, but we've been hearing people talking all week and..."

His rushed explanation was interrupted as she offered a warm smile,

"If you hadn't done it I would have, but maybe not as eloquently."

"Ma'am?"

"Just Director will be fine McGee, as I've told you before."

"Of course Ma'... Director." She smiled at him again.

"You did well sticking up for your partner agent McGee, thank you for defending my choice."

McGee smiled awkwardly and almost stayed silent, but couldn't help himself.

"With all due respect Director, it was a good choice, but in all honesty, I did that for Tony, even if he wasn't team leader I would still have done it, your choice didn't factor in. If you had appointed someone else and they had been commending that, I would still have said the same... well not exactly the same but made the same..."

"I understand agent McGee, and appreciate the honesty."

He coloured again as he realised he had been babbling nervously fearing he had over stepped the mark. He had no idea where the confidence to say all this was coming from, but suspected after a week of having his partner talked down, he just needed to get it all out in the open.

"Anytime Ma'... Director. If you'll excuse me?"

She nodded in agreement and he began to walk off, only to have her call after him,

"Agent McGee?" He turned,

"Ma'am?" He saw her shake her head in exasperation at the title that slipped out,

"If you would try to refrain from running into burning buildings it would be appreciated."

He grinned sheepishly.

"I'll keep that in mind Ma'am."

"If you would."

He smiled once more before walking off. As he did the realisation of what he'd just done caught up with him and he had to pause. Did he really care that much about Tony? He would never normally stand up to two other agents and the director like that, but his anger at how they were treating Tony had made him do it without a second's hesitation.

"Pro.. McGee!" The shout jolted him out of his thoughts and he looked up to where Tony was waving to him.

"Grab your gear, we got a case!" Ziva was already waiting to go while Lee was scrambling for her things. Tim quickly moved and grabbed his bag from its place next to Ton... his desk. Turning back around he saw Tony facing him, and it slipped out from force of habit without him even thinking about it,

"On your six Boss." He saw Tony pause for a second and look at him as if expecting him to take it back or to laugh it off. He continued as if nothing had happened though, making a move towards the elevator, prompting Tony to look away and do the same.

As they stood there and as Lee rushed in just as the doors closed, Tim thought he saw the slight loosening of the tension in Tony's shoulders and a slightly more confident posture take its place. He grinned slightly to himself, and vowed that he would do more to help Tony do this; after all it was his job as senior field agent to have his leader's six.

* * *

Director Shepard' s smile remained in place as she walked back to her office. She had heard McGee's comment and seen the rest of the Team's reaction to it. Had seen Agent Lee not really recognise the importance, seen Agent David pause for a moment and look between the two before giving a small smile. She had also seen Tony, staring blankly for a second waiting for McGee to take it back, and the small hopeful smile when he hadn't.

It wasn't until she sat down at her desk that something occurred to her and she picked up the phone.

"Cynthia?"

"Yes Director?"

"Could you get the head of security up here for me please?"

She smiled at the immediate concern in her assistant's voice,

"Is everything okay Ma'am?"

"Yes Cynthia, I just need him to do something for me."

"Of course Ma'am."

The line disconnected, and she sat back in her chair, picking up one of the files on her desk and beginning to flick through. She was about two pages in when there was a firm knock on her door, before it opened.

"You wanted to see me Ma'am?"

She smiled once more as she put the folder back on the table.

"Yes, I need you to do something for me."

"Of course Director."

"I was wondering if it would be possible to remove some footage from the security archive."

She saw the man raise a brow slightly in confusion.

"You mean borrow a disk from the archive to review?"

"Not exactly. There was a... conversation that took place between a group of agents, and then between myself and another agent that I think everyone involved would prefer not to have been recorded."

She saw him shift uncomfortably not sure what to do.

"It's highly irregular Ma'am... and usually against policy."

"It's just a conversation in a corridor Stevens. You have my word that you would face no repercussions from it, and I would personally take care of a copy of the footage should it ever be needed."

He seemed to relax slightly but still seemed uncertain,

"Even so..."

"Would you feel better if I allowed you to watch the section of footage I am talking about? Make sure there is nothing else going on."

"Yes Ma'am... not that I think you are covering anything up Ma'am" He added hastily, "It's just that..."

"You have a responsibility to uphold?"

He nodded in agreement, relieved that she understood.

"Yes Ma'am. Now when did the...conversation take place?"

She moved away from her computer and allowed him to step round,

"About ten minutes ago, on the camera near the conference rooms."


	2. First Case

**Hey, glad you guys seem to like the first chapter, hope you like this one as well! Thank you to anyone who reviewed and alerted! To the anonymous reviewer, you seem to have guessed where I'm going with this! That won't happen for a while though! Anyways enjoy!**

* * *

It was an accident, Tony decided. It had probably just slipped out from years of routine and McGee hadn't even noticed. Hadn't realised that he had called him "Boss" as they were leaving.

When he had first heard it he knew his head had jerked up to look at McGee, hoping that he meant it the way it sounded, like he trusted and respected him as much as he had Gibbs. He had thought that was what it had meant when Tim hadn't taken it back, hadn't apologised for his mistake and corrected himself calling him Tony or DiNozzo. It had made him think that maybe he wasn't doing such a bad job like everyone was saying.

That was the worst part; he knew they were all saying it. Comparing the joker of the pack to the fearless leader. Questioning his capability to lead the team effectively. He wondered if the others were thinking it too. Whether McGee and Ziva were drawing comparisons and finding him not up to the task.

Which was why he had decided McGee hadn't actually meant it that way at all. It had just slipped out without him even realising, and if Tony was stupid enough to point it out and ask him what it meant he would probably say he hadn't even realised he had done it. Which is why Tony wouldn't ask. Ever.

He blocked out the arguments in his head and focused on the crime scene in front of him. It was their first murder since Gibbs had left, and he knew that everyone would be watching him on this one, would want to see if the agency's best team crumbled without the legendary leader.

Glancing around he saw the rest of the team working diligently, Ducky and Palmer were crouched over the body making their initial examination while Ziva was questioning witnesses in the distance. McGee was slightly off to the side of the body, moving outwards in what Tony knew would be a meticulous search pattern, snapping photos and making small sketches and notes on the crime scene while Lee followed behind, picking up and bagging anything he pointed out.

He felt slightly lost for a moment, not sure what to do within his new role. The team was working well like the experienced people most of them were, and while he knew McGee had to patiently explain some things to Lee, he was more than picking up the slack for the slower Agent. Frowning he headed over to Ducky and crouched down beside him, hoping he would know what to do after the ME had given his opinion.

* * *

McGee sighed as Lee once again almost failed to pick up something he had pointed out, backtracking he gave her time to notice it on her own, before giving a gentle reminder when she failed to spot what he was looking at. While she fumbled to quickly place it in an evidence bag McGee took the opportunity to look around. He knew Tony would be nervous about his first murder as agent in charge but Tim knew he could handle it. He had a team that was mostly used to using their initiative to see what needed to be done, and it was like he had said, Tony was a good agent, one of the best, not that Tim would ever admit it to his face unless Tony was really having a self doubt crisis.

However, that was looking more and more likely. Glancing in Tony's direction Tim saw the almost lost expression on his face as he looked around, uncomfortable and unsure what he was supposed to do. He knew everyone was having a hard time with Gibbs leaving, and while Abby was being most vocal and open with how much she missed him, Tim suspected Tony was having an even harder time. He had been plunged into an entirely new role, while Tim's and Ziva's had only adapted slightly. The thing that hadn't changed, and never would as far as Tim was concerned, was that they all had each other's backs. Tim was still dealing with it as well but he knew he was needed by the others, and so pushed any issues he was having to the side. He needed to do whatever he could to make this easier on his partner, which was why he was doing everything in his power to ensure Tony's first crime scene was as efficient and well managed as possible. They could slip back into the teasing, easy flowing dynamic later.

Looking down he saw Lee was now finished bagging and tagging everything he had photographed and so they moved on to a new area. He snapped more pictures and triple checked all of his measurements before he allowed Lee to do her piece. He didn't want anything to mess this up for Tony. While Lee was bagging once more an idea occurred to him and he subtly pulled out his phone and texted Palmer asking if they had anything on the victim's identity, and Ziva seeing if her witness statements had produced anything useful so far. Within minutes he had a reply from both, with a name and age from Palmer and a vague description of a car from Ziva. He debated for a minute whether he should do what he was thinking, before looking up decided it for him.

Tony was wandering around again, looking between him and Ziva and obviously wondering who he should go to check on and oversee. He could see the tension in Tony's shoulders and decided that his plan would definitely be put into effect, but first he could help out here. Quickly thinking over something he could say he waved Tony in their direction, and didn't miss the relieved expression that he now had something to do.

"What's up Pro... McGee?" he asked as he approached, and Tim offered a smile.

"Hey, just wondered how far out you wanted us to extend this search radius, we've almost finished up a general sweep of this close area but did you want us to go further?"

He watched for a moment as Tony debated, and was relieved to see that his confidence was growing as he thought, Tim knew this had been a good question to ask, to remind Tony that after his years of sketching crime scenes and photographing evidence he knew everything he needed to manage one and make decisions like this. Tony knew how far from the body usable evidence was generally found, hell he knew almost everything about crime scenes, he just had to remember that he was in charge of the small decisions like this now, but was perfectly qualified to make them.

"I think if you extend slightly further, maybe twenty feet? After that point there probably won't be anything to find, but if you find something right on the edge of that limit keep going until there's been nothing for a while."

Tim smiled and carefully chose his next words while trying to make them sound casual and unplanned, hoping to reinforce the point he had been trying to make.

"On it Boss."

He turned away before he could see Tony's reaction and began snapping more photos, suppressing a grin when there was only a small pause before he heard more confident and purposeful footsteps moving in Ziva's direction. Chancing a glance upwards after a few moments he smiled to see Tony talking to Ziva, the evidence of a conversation with the banter they had been missing for the last week making him hopeful that Tony had been given the gentle nudge he had needed to find his feet. He hoped so, as there was no way he was keeping up this Boss thing, yes he respected Tony, but he was not doing this once Tony's confidence made it's reappearance, he didn't think he would be able to take the ego boost it would give him.

Still, it was his job as senior field agent to make Tony's life easier, and having his first case solved as quickly as possible would do that, and it wouldn't hurt to keep up the Boss thing until Tony's self confidence was built up enough that he didn't need it.

When he had finished photographing the next area he slid his phone out once more and hit the fake call app, with an apologetic glance at Lee he motioned that he needed to take the call, but indicated that he would be only a few steps away if she needed something. She smiled hesitantly and he moved until she was out of earshot and rang someone in cybercrimes who owed him a favour after he had helped them out the other week, and who he knew would currently be on their break. He knew this would be a onetime thing, but if it helped Tony solve his first case as leader swiftly, Tim knew it wouldn't be necessary a second time. As soon as he knew he could do it Tony's confidence would soon be back in full swing, and Tim had no doubt he would soon be branching out and trying out his own leadership style, he was trying not to imagine some of the things Tony might dream up.

Once the person on the other end picked up he quickly outlined what he needed done and gave them the information they would need. With a quick thanks and a reassurance that their debt had now been repaid he hung up the phone and moved back to take photos and finish cataloguing the crime scene.

* * *

Tony breathed a sigh of relief as he climbed into the van. After some uncertainty at the beginning he thought his first crime scene had gone pretty well. He went over and over it in his head, and apart from the fact that the bagging and tagging had taken slightly longer than usual, he couldn't see that anything had not measured up to Gibbs' standard, that people would be able to criticise.

The only thing that was bothering him was that McGee had called him Boss again. He had thought the first time was an accident, but twice in such a short period of time? Maybe McGee was trying to tell him something? Or maybe he was just reading too much into it. After all, he hadn't done it again after that, had slipped back into DiNozzo or Tony. The more he thought about it the more accidental it seemed, something from force of habit. He decided to forget about it.

As soon as he stopped that trail of thought he began to worry about the rest of the case. The crime scene had gone well but that didn't mean this would. For the past week the team had been flipping through cold cases. That was something they could do. They worked well individually, and occasionally asked for the others opinions and bounced ideas off each other.

They had sometimes swapped files, Tony and Ziva handing theirs off to McGee if they discovered some technical aspect that hadn't been explored, and just doing what they usually did. That had been easy. They could do that without Tony doing anything differently. But actually running an active case? Tony would need to make decisions, brief the director on their progress... he was dreading it.

The team had the highest and fastest solve rate in the agency, and he had to keep that up. What if he couldn't do it? What if they couldn't find anything? He couldn't afford his first case in charge to become a cold case. He just couldn't.

* * *

McGee arrived back at the navy yard before the others, having driven the evidence back in the agency sedan, while the other three stayed to clear up and took the truck and Ducky and Palmer drove the autopsy van. He dropped the evidence off in the garage, signing it over to the tech on duty with orders to take it to Abby as soon as possible, and headed back to the motor pool.

Once the car had been returned he headed for the squad room pulling out his phone as he went and making a call. It only took the person on the other end two rings to pick up,

"Hey James it's McGee, how did you...

That's great, I just got back so if you could bring it up to the squad room...

Thanks again James... and if you could keep this between us?...

Yeah just a onetime thing...

Yeah it's Tony's first case in charge, and I just want it to go well...

See you in a minute."

He had a smile on his face as he stepped out of the elevator. Nodding to a couple of agents he knew, he headed over to Tony... to his desk and sat down, quickly booting up the computer, wanting to be ready for when James arrived.

It was only a couple of minutes later when he saw the man enter the bullpen, making his way swiftly towards him brandishing a flash drive.

James was what Tony called a classic geek, glasses and all, but he had a good sense of humour, and only had a slight confidence problem. McGee liked him, and trusted him not to say anything to anyone. McGee would look at cases and in return James would let him use the equipment from the sub basement to develop the programs he wrote. It was a relationship that benefited them both, but he wouldn't exactly call them friends.

"Well McGee here's the information you asked for." James handed over the drive, and McGee smiled gratefully,

"Thanks for that James... we just need this first case to go well you know?"

James nodded in understanding,

"Yeah the rumours have made their way down to my domain..." he trailed off as McGee's face darkened momentarily,

"Any way... I have to get going."

"Thanks again James."

He shrugged,

"I owed you one." He turned and walked off.

As soon as he was gone McGee got to work. Plugging the drive into the computer he loaded up the ground work James had already done. It wasn't much, and it was the easy bit, but it meant he could delve straight in rather than gathering this first like he usually had to.

James had pulled up the man's service record, list of family, the people in his unit. He had also done a preliminary background and financial check, as well as pulling up details of where he had been found and the surrounding areas making notes of any traffic cams and anything else he had thought could help.

McGee immediately began some searches, opening up the program he had written himself a couple of years back and had been tweaking ever since so it gave him exactly what he needed. He plugged in the information about the car Ziva had gathered from witnesses as well as the names of friends, family and colleagues that James had supplied. He set the program running to check through DMV records and see if any of these people had the slightest connection to the blue sedan and the partial plate.

While that was running he turned his attention to the traffic cams, emailing a friend to see if he could get the footage sent through sooner rather than later. While he was waiting for a reply he accessed the man's email accounts, using the contacts list to make a more detailed list of friends and plugging it into his search for the car. Pulling up his phone records he did the same with the names on there. Just as he finished that he saw the others getting off of the elevator, thinking quickly he opened his email account and set up two messages, one to Ziva and one to agent Lee. When Tony gave out assignments he could fire off what he already had to the two of them and hopefully ensure the case moved along as fast as possible.

By the time he had finished that Tony had dropped his pack by his desk and turned towards him.

"What you got McGee?"

Tim tapped a few keys and brought up the petty officer's record,

"Petty Officer Kyle Brendon, third generation navy, clean record both before and after he enlisted, not so much as a parking ticket. He had been home from his latest assignment for about a week, and was apparently staying with family off base for the duration of his leave. Unmarried, no kids, next of kin is listed as a brother, both parents deceased."

Tony nodded, "Okay, good work McGee... how'd the parents die?"

"Car crash earlier this year, it was ruled an accident."

At Tony's look McGee gave more information,

"They were driving to visit some relatives in some pretty poor weather conditions, the father lost control of the car and it rolled, they both died instantly."

"Okay... Ziva you got a description of a car leaving the scene right?"

She stepped forwards and flipped through her notes,

"Several people reported a car with the same description moving at some speed out of the parking lot just after Ducky's time of death. One managed to see a partial plate, but no one saw the driver."

Tony seemed to consider his options for a moment before he nodded, apparently having made a decision.

"Ziva, try to see if you can find the car, check his friends and family see if anyone has access to a car matching that description... and figure out who he was staying with. McGee, contact the brother and ask him to come in, and try and find a motive, pull his phone records, bank records, see if anything funny was going on. Lee... go and see Abby. Help her go through the evidence and crime scene photos. I'll go see Ducky."

McGee and Ziva looked at each other and smiled at Tony's new found confidence, before moving to their desks while Lee walked off towards the elevator.

As soon as Tony was out of sight McGee walked over to Ziva who looked at him questioningly,

"Don't worry about finding the car I have a search running, I'll email you the results as they come through... I've requested the traffic cam footage for the surrounding area so I'll try pull a whole plate off of that when it gets here, you could probably just focus on who he was staying with. "

She raised an eyebrow and he felt himself blush,

"I may have called in a favour to get a head start on this one... I just want it to go well."

She looked at him for a second before she smiled,

"You did it on purpose didn't you?"

He frowned at her not sure what she was talking about before he remembered she had been there when he first called Tony Boss, he blushed slightly even as he shrugged,

"Not that time."

"You did it later?"

"At the crime scene. I called him over and asked for advice on how far out we should search... he needed it."

"Yes he did... I think it helped."

"I hope so... I never thought I'd miss the Tony with an ego the size of America."

She smiled again,

"I'm sure he will soon return McGee... and then we shall wish he had not."

He grinned,

"Probably,... I'll send you those searches."

Making his way back over to his desk he got back to work.

* * *

The Director smiled as she put down the report,

"Your team did well Agent DiNozzo. Keep up the good work."

He smiled pleased, and obviously relieved that it had gone so well. They had seemed to work so efficiently on this case. By the time he had returned from autopsy McGee and Ziva had been able to tell him where the petty officer had been staying and found an ex girlfriend that owned a car matching the description. There had been some emails that showed a grudge over a difficult breakup, and as they were filling him in McGee had received the traffic cam footage and they had managed to pull a full plate.

The confession had been easy to get once the evidence had been presented, and the girlfriend's gun retrieved in a search of her car and matched to the wound. The case had been closed by the end of the day. He knew this luck probably wouldn't continue, but maybe now that people had seen this case go so well things would get easier.

As he walked down the stairs back to his team, he felt better than he had since Gibbs left. He could do this.

* * *

**I know I didn't go into much detail on the rest of the case solving process, but otherwise it would have dragged out, and I wanted to just focus on the little bits of help Tim is subtly giving Tony.**


	3. The Campfire is born

**Sorry about the wait guys. It took me forever to be happy with this chapter, and to be honest I'm still not 100% sure about it. I hope you enjoy it anyway! I may update again later today or tomorrow, but I make no promises. It's a busy weekend for me, going to look at some more uni's so I can try and decide where I want to go even if I have no clue what I want to do! If anyone has any words of wisdom as to how they made choices like this they would be very welcome! Seriously how did you know it was the right place/ subject for you?**

* * *

After their first case without Gibbs the team really hit their stride. Tony had his confidence back and it slowly built as more and more cases were solved. As they managed to keep up their impressive solve rate, any gossip or doubts people had had regarding Tony's leadership had almost died out completely.

The team was grateful for that. That first week had been a dark time. They were trying to adjust to the sudden loss of a team leader, and the introduction of a new member, all while having to hear the whispers going on all around them, as people watched and waited for them to fall apart.

It wasn't that everything had suddenly fixed itself. They all still missed Gibbs. Abby was still counting the days since he'd been gone, keeping his picture everywhere, Ducky was still torn between missing his old friend and wondering why he had never been told of his family. They were the ones showing it.

Tony, Tim and Ziva were more subtle. They would get a sudden vacant expression or there would be a slight pause when one of them spouted a rule or delivered a head slap. Tony and Ziva had found themselves driving to Gibbs' house and pulling up on the drive way, only to remember there would be no one in the basement to talk to.

But life went on. They solved cases, they went out for drinks... they grew closer as their dynamic shifted but stayed the same all at once. Tony was now the leader, but in many ways that was just a title. He was still their friend, he would still goof off, throw paper balls and quote movies, go out for drinks or pizza on a Friday night.

The only difference was agent Lee. They tried to include her as much as possible, to welcome her into their little group and make her feel like she belonged... but they weren't fooling themselves. She was part of the team, they liked her, she was a friend... but she wasn't family, she always just seemed slightly separate. There were times when it held them back slightly, but they ploughed ahead.

It wasn't long before other things began changing. They began trying out new things on cases, adapting and changing so they worked better. At first they had been too set in the routines they had had before, the way they had worked with Gibbs. But as their confidence grew, as they realised they were just as good as their jobs without him, even if they did still feel the loss, they gained the courage to try new things. That was how the campfires happened.

* * *

"Ziva, this one's yours." McGee waved a sheet of paper in the air, and felt his lips twitch at Ziva's groan.

"They just keep appearing."

"Agent McGee, I think I found another one of yours." Agent Lee put in. McGee sighed and got up, placing the witness statement on Ziva's desk on the one orderly stack of paper, and picking up the sheet from Lee, he was just about to sit back down when she called him back again with an apologetic smile and handed him another two sheets of paper.

After another couple of rounds of this, the three of them exchanging papers, Ziva let out an annoyed yell.

"Why can they not file things properly?"

"According to the officer that delivered it the archivist dropped it when he went to pick it up. They probably just put all the sheets back in." Agent Lee supplied. "He thought it was all in there."

"Fantastic." McGee groaned.

They had found a slim connection to an old Metro cold case and had requested the file be sent over. Unfortunately nothing new had been found for so long that it hadn't been a priority to digitise the reports. The metro officer had handed them three boxes supposedly full of everything they had on the case. They had thought it would take a while to read through, but they hadn't accounted for the complete disarray of the files.

Witness statements were in amongst financial reports, alibi's and background information mixed in with crime scene photos. It was a mess. They had each decided to take a section and sort the papers into some sort of order before reading them through to make sense of it all. Ziva was collecting witness statements and transcripts of interviews, Lee had taken the crime scene reports and photos, while McGee was trying to organise the background checks and financial statements on both the suspects and victim.

Tony was off somewhere having to attend a meeting, so for now the three of them were on their own. McGee frowned and sighed with frustration as he almost knocked a pile of paper off of the corner of the desk when he tried to spread out what he had so far to begin organising it.

"We need more room." Ziva commented, experiencing the same problem. "We are never going to get it done like this."

McGee nodded absently in agreement, thinking that this sheer amount of paper reminded him of his college days, when he would sit on the floor, spread everything...

Standing up, he picked up the piles of paper in front of him, and moved out from behind his desk. He saw both female members of his team look at him questioningly.

"You're right, we'll never get it done like this."

He placed the stack of paper on the floor, and went back for the smaller, but slightly more organised pile, placing it on the ground too. He then lowered himself to the floor and sat down, leaning his back against his desk. The increased space meant he could place the two piles separate, he began dividing the large pile into piles to go to Lee, Ziva, and adding to his own.

He had only done a couple more sheets when he heard chair wheels followed by a thud of paper. Looking up once more he saw Ziva moving her own piles to the floor, and Lee standing up to do the same. They all three went back to sorting, silently handing over piles to the others when they had a large stack, rather than getting up for every couple of sheets because there was no room on their desks to keep them there.

* * *

This was how Tony found them a couple of hours later when he walked back in to the squad room. At first he frowned in confusion when he couldn't see any of them at their desks, thinking they must have left for some reason. He was about to pull out his phone to call McGee to see where they were when he heard his voice, and curiously moved towards their area.

"Ziva do you have an alibi for this guy? According to this the victim owed him a load of..."

Tony watched McGee trail off and look up at him.

"Oh, hey Tony, how was the meeting?"

"Fine... what have you guys been up to."

He really wanted to know. He had his three agents on the floor, surrounded by three empty boxes, and multiple piles of paper. It was... not normal. He looked down to McGee for the explanation. He shrugged,

"Metro sent over the files but an archivist had dropped them so they were all out of order. There wasn't enough room on our desks to sort it out."

Tony nodded, accepting the explanation,

"And you're still on the floor because..."

McGee resumed scanning the piece of paper in front of him while he waved absent minded to the fourth box Tony hadn't noticed, where a quarter of a pizza still remained,

"We shared lunch, and then it was just easier to trade sheets the others needed when we were down here... speaking of which, that alibi Ziva?"

Tony looked on as they all went back to their piles of paper, swapping a couple of sheets and talking about theories. He didn't realise he had just stood there until Ziva looked up at him,

"Tony?"

Snapping out of watching the odd sight of three federal agents solving a case while sat on the floor; he promptly sat down and joined them,

"Hand me that pizza McGee."

Who cared if it wasn't normal... no one thought their team was anyway.

* * *

The next time it happened was not as light hearted. It had been a difficult case and for two days they had found nothing. They just couldn't seem to figure out how this drug ring worked despite all the evidence that had literally been handed to them.

At first it had been metro's case, but they were all too happy to hand it over once a navy connection was discovered. They had been getting nowhere fast and were glad to be rid of it. Their techs had managed to link the only site the seized computers they had all visited, and had thought they were using it to communicate, but just couldn't find any evidence. They also had several other leads, witnesses and vague descriptions.

McGee had been dealing with the technical aspect. He had come to the same conclusions the techs had, that the browsing history only had the one site in common, and he had scoured the message boards and postings to look for any patterns that could reveal how they had communicated.

The others had hit the streets, re-interviewing Metro's witnesses and trying desperately to pick up any new details. Their efforts seemed to be in vain. They were getting nowhere.

On the morning of the third day Tony walked into the office reasonably early. He had sent the team home late last night and told them to get a decent amount of sleep before heading back in this morning. Despite this he was greeted with the sight of Ziva and Lee heading in the door. Shaking his head slightly he climbed into the elevator with them as they made their way up to the squad room.

* * *

McGee sighed and rubbed his tired eyes before looking back at the screen. Tony had ordered them all home a while ago, but he had just stood up when something on the screen caught his eye. Frowning he had sat back down and enlarged the email list he had been looking through, feeling as though something was off, he just couldn't pinpoint what it was.

He had long ago given up on the site the Metro detectives had highlighted, unable to find anything that suggested communications between the five they had already tracked down. He had been pulling off contacts from email lists to look at patterns and commonalities, but found none, but something about one of the messages was bugging him... he just needed to figure out what.

"McGee!"

Tim's wearily raised his head, and blinked his eyes to try and clear his sudden blurred vision. He saw Tony standing in front of his desk frowning in concern, while Ziva and Lee stashed their bags at their desks.

"Yeah Tony." He yawned as he replied and Tony's frown deepened.

"I thought I told you to go home and sleep McGee... have you been here all night?"

Frowning himself now McGee looked out the window and was mildly surprised to see early morning light where he was sure there had been darkness a few minutes ago.

"Guess so..." he murmured, shaking his head to clear it.

"Go get some rest McGee... go down to autopsy or Abby's lab and..."

He ignored the concern in Tony's voice and cut in,

"Let me tell you what I found first."

Tony paused for a second,

"You found something?"

Tim nodded, energy returned for a moment,

"I figured out how they've been communicating."

Tony broke into a small smile and Lee and Ziva moved closer,

"You found out where they put messages on the site McGee?" Ziva asked. He shook his head, and Tony frowned.

"I thought you'd found out how they were talking to each other."

"I have" McGee informed them, "They weren't using the site Metro gave us."

He reached for the remote for the screen and went to stand up to show them. Only to have to grip the arm of the chair for support as his vision swam and his head pounded. There were hands suddenly supporting him and lowering him back down into his chair. When he opened his eyes Ziva was crouched in front of him while Tony's concerned frown was back in full force.

"Get some rest and tell us later McGee... go down and see Ducky and get something for your head if you need it." Tim shook his head. He saw Tony was about to make it an order so cut in.

"Once I tell you about this the technical bit is done, so I can sleep. You'll be able to track the rest of them down without me."

He knew Tony would see the sense in his argument, and sure enough he relented with a quick inclination of his head,

"Ok, but as soon as you're done explaining Ziva is escorting you downstairs to see Ducky, deal?"

Tim nodded and moved to get up again, but was blocked by Ziva who quickly stood and shoved him gently back down.

"Stay sitting down McGee." She ordered, and moved behind his chair to wheel him so he was facing the screen.

They all looked at him expectantly. It was unnerving to have to look up at all of them and he paused for a minute. As if seeing the problem Tony rolled his eyes and went and fetched his own chair from behind his desk, wheeling it over so he was sat next to McGee. Tim grinned at him slightly and Lee and Ziva shrugged before moving off and grabbing their own chairs.

Once they were all sitting down, Tony turned to McGee,

"Ok, now that we can all focus on this instead of you being about to collapse where you stand... show us what you found."

McGee rolled his eyes, but winced as that really didn't help the oncoming headache.

"It was actually quite simple" He said clicking the remote to bring it all up on the screen, "They were just using emails to place orders."

He saw the others all frown,

"Wouldn't that have shown up McGee?"

"They were clever about it." He hit the remote a couple more times and highlighted certain messages."I noticed it when I was looking through the message list. This looks like an invoice for some online shopping order, but I've used this company before to get books, they're a local trader and don't make deliveries for orders of less than four items, but on this message..."

"They have only ordered three and it is confirming delivery?" Ziva pointed out what he had noticed, and he nodded.

"I rang up and checked with the company and their policy hasn't changed. I got them to check their orders and this wasn't from them. I then checked through all the emails on this account and the ones on the others, they each have delivery confirmations from real companies, a different one on each account, but the company has no record of the orders being placed."

"So," Tony jumped in, "They arrange the deliveries of drugs but make it look like a delivery of books or games from some existing company?"

McGee nodded,

"If you look the email addresses are slightly different from the actual company ones, but not different enough that it would stand out. Since each email account used a different company there was nothing to connect them together, and to anyone who looked it would just look like a regular order."

Tony grinned,

"This is really good McGee!"

Tim smiled despite the building pain in his head,

"Then you'll love this... They were sloppy, because they look legitimate and they thought people would assume they were from a known company, they didn't bother to lead us on the usual chase to trace them, the search I've got running now should be able to tell you where they originated from."

Tony flat out grinned,

"Way to go McGee! ... Okay gather round team." They all span their chairs so they were sitting in a circle, and Tony paused for a moment, thinking up a plan of action,

"Ziva, you are going to take McSleepyHead here down to Ducky, and stay until he is sleeping! McSleeepyhead... well that's been covered. Me and Lee will wait for your trace to finish and get warrants for the addresses you get." They all broke apart and wheeled their chairs back over to their desks.

* * *

The third time it happened was when it got its name. It was because of the air conditioning. The entire building was one giant furnace. Agents were boiling, using any excuse to work out of the office. They were all desperate for it to be fixed but maintenance was estimating another two days... at least.

The MCRT were lucky on the first day. They only spent an hour in the office before heading out to verify the witness reports from two of the cold cases they were reviewing this week. They were all dreading the following day though, when they would have to stay indoors and read through the files.

Tony looked around the room as he was holstering his gun. Grabbing his cell phone and putting it in his pocket he was about to leave when he paused and looked at something on the side. An idea came to him and he quickly looked at his watch, he had time. Grabbing a box he moved back inside the apartment, pulling his phone back out as he did and speed dialling,

"Hey McGee... you left for work yet?"

* * *

He met up with McGee in the parking lot. He stood there leaning against his car, box in hands and bag slung over his shoulder.

"You bring everything?"

McGee pushed off the car and nodded,

"Yeah Tony... but it might not be a good idea to have these out..."

"Which is why I rang this morning and booked a conference room, McSceptical." Tony cut in.

He smiled as McGee rolled his eyes,

"Why can't you be this organised all the time?"

"I am! You all just don't see it!"

"Sure Tony."

People looked at them strangely as they walked in bickering, seemingly in such an upbeat mood. Everyone else was depressed at the thought of having to spend another day baking in their own skins. Even their own team mates looked at them warily, wondering at the source of the good mood.

Ignoring their questioning looks Tony motioned for them to stand up and bring the files with them,

"We're relocating for the day." He announced proudly, and walked off towards the elevators. He could hear them trailing after him, smiling as he heard Ziva quietly questioning McGee about the change of routine and what was in the box.

* * *

As all of them filed in he set the box down on the table, the files and McGee's own box and bag soon joining it. Moving over to the door he flipped the lock so that no one would disturb them and turned back around grinning.

"Welcome to our temporary headquarters!"

"Tony what is going on?" Ziva questioned impatiently. Tony's grin grew even wider and he motioned for McGee to unpack the boxes.

"Awesome team leader that I am I have decided to at least make sure the team can work without dying from heat stroke and so... tada!"

He gestured with a flourish as McGee unpacked two fans from one box and another fan and four laptops from his own, before unzipping the bag to reveal a cool box placed inside. Tony raised one eyebrow at him and he shrugged,

"Ice pack keeping some drinks and food cold for later."

"That's the spirit McBoyscout!"

"There's a laptop for each of us that I've signed out of cybercrimes for the day." McGee continued, "They've got all the search capabilities of your computers downstairs so everything we need to work is right here."

Ziva and Lee looked between the two of them and Tony grinned at the smiles slowly appearing,

"Of course, no one else needs to be aware of this, otherwise we run the risk of being invaded." He added seriously.

"Of course." Ziva replied with equal seriousness, "We shall be very discreet."

They all sat down and sighed with relief as McGee plugged in and switched on the three fans, placing them in the middle of their small group at slightly different angles, so everyone had almost a constant stream of cool air blowing over them. They each reached forwards and grabbed a laptop, opening them up and logging in.

They worked quietly for a while until they needed to compare notes, and then they began talking in earnest, swapping ideas and comparing search results. They soon found it was quicker in this set up to work through one case as a group, rather than each taking their own stack and asking the others to do odd bits when they needed it.

* * *

A few hours in stomachs started to growl and McGee picked the cool bag up off the floor, placing it up on the table. He passed around drinks before pulling out some snacks. Tony raised one eyebrow as he picked up the bag or marshmallows and the pack of popcorn. Tim shrugged,

"It was short notice so I just grabbed whatever was in the cupboard."

Grabbing the food they dug in. As he was chewing on a marshmallow Tony looked around at all of them in a circle with the fans in the middle and let out a smile.

"What Tony?" Ziva questioned as she looked at the amusement on his face.

"Oh nothing.. I was just thinking about how this is the hot day version of a campfire you know? All sat in a circle talking and eating marshmallows? We've just changed the fire for electric fans."

"And a tree trunk for office chairs." McGee supplied.

"What can I say? I make sure my team has the best."

* * *

It was a mystery to all the swat soaked agents how the MCRT managed to walk down the stairs at the end of the day looking cool and relaxed, laughing and joking. The popular theory was they'd actually gone home and the conference room had been part of the plan. That was until they handed in all their cold case files reviewed and reinvestigated, with new theories noted inside.

Everyone was trying to figure out how they had done it, but whenever they were asked the team shrugged and smiled, simply replying that they'd "had a campfire".

* * *

After that it just seemed to happen. When food came, when they were tired and needed to look at the screen, and eventually it just became a part of the routine. Tony would mention needing another campfire when they needed to gather and talk, and eventually that's what it became known as. It was gradual and slow... but it worked for them.


	4. The right choice

**Hey sorry about the long wait guys! Just got back from holiday where there was literally zero access to laptop and limited internet. Which actually leads me to another apology, reviews! I appreciate each and every one of you that stops to read this and then to go on and favourite, follow and review, and I am so sorry that this time I did not reply to all my reviewers who have accounts individually. I will try to this time I swear! But for now, just a collective thank you for all the comments you have made. Hope you enjoy this one just as much, and so sorry but it's slightly shorter.**

* * *

It had taken a while for it to sink in. Gibbs was _gone_. As in _not here_ anymore.

He had tried to consider the implications of this, but it had taken him a while to really get it.

Tony was now in charge. He was now senior field agent. Lee was now on their team. That he understood.

They were feeling betrayed and hurt. They felt abandoned. They were afraid someone they had looked up to would never truly remember them. He understood that too.

But some other things had taken a while to get through.

Like the fact that Gibbs wasn't _here_. He didn't _remember_ them, and they had no idea if they could even contact him.

He had _known_ this. He had. It had just taken him a while to_ understand_.

To understand that this probably meant Gibbs wasn't the best person to have as his emergency contact.

Or his medical proxy.

Because really, what was the use of a medical proxy who no one could contact and had no idea what he was like? What he would want?

The answer was simple. There was _no use_.

* * *

This was why he was sitting here after everyone else had gone home, a small stack of papers in front of him. Picking up a pen he debated for one moment before filling in the form, adding the new contact information.

He put the pen down when he was done and studied the form in front of him. In some part of his brain he was rereading what he had written, checking it was correct, while the other part was wondering if he should do this. If this was the right choice to make.

Shaking his head he decided to do this before he changed his mind. Standing up he pulled his jacket on and slung his backpack over his shoulder. He picked up the papers and after one more moment of hesitation moved off towards the elevator.

As he looked up he barely avoided running into someone else stepping off the elevator,

"Sorry, I wasn't...Ziva? I thought you left?"

She looked at him quizzically,

"I did, I came back for my coat." She gestured to her chair and he looked over to see it resting on the back.

"Ahh..."

He trailed off and paused for a moment, gesturing towards the elevator,

"Well, I'm just gonna..."

"Are you feeling alright McGee?"

Her question caught him off guard and he looked to see her studying him with concern. He rolled his eyes, the others had been slightly over protective since his migraine had put him out of action for two days the other week.

"I don't have a headache Ziva. I'm fine."

"What are those?"

The change of topic caught him off guard, and there was a slight pause before he looked down and saw her reaching for the papers. Instinctively he pulled them back and saw her looking at him curiously, and slightly worried.

"McGee?"

"Ziva it's nothing to worry about okay? Just some papers I need to give to personnel."

Even through her carefully constructed mask he saw the slight tightening of her jaw and around her eyes.

"I see."

He frowned at her confused,

"What?"

"I thought you were okay with this McGee?"

He frowned

"Okay with..." his eyes widened as he looked at her and realised what she was implying,

"Ziva I'm fine with Tony being leader. It's different but... fine. You _know_ that."

Her face softened slightly but the confusion was detectable,

"Then why..."

"I'm not transferring Ziva." He cut in anticipating her question. "It's nothing. Just some information they need in personnel okay?"

She nodded warily looking into his eyes for a moment before she visibly relaxed slightly.

"Okay."

"Okay..."

He turned and moved back to the bullpen, grabbing her coat off the back of the chair. Turning he saw her standing right next to him. They shared a smile at the running ninja joke as he handed the coat over.

"We okay?"

"Yes McGee we are fine, I am sorry I assumed..."

"You should never apologise, or assume." It slipped out before he could stop it. There was a slight pause but the awkwardness from a few weeks ago was almost completely gone.

"See you tomorrow?"

He almost smiled at the slight uncertainty,

"Absolutely... It's not like I'm going anywhere."

She slapped him lightly, but it caught him off guard and he fumbled with the papers. He didn't drop them but they tilted enough for her to see a few of the words on the top. He saw her eyes widen slightly and she almost looked... panicked?

"Ziva?"

Her eyes swept over him quickly before she looked in his eyes,

"What is wrong McGee?" She demanded. He frowned in confusion,

"Those," she pointed to the papers in his hands, "are something medical related yes? So are you sick? You are obviously not injured."

"Ziva it's nothing like that..."

"Then tell me what it is like McGee!"

He sighed and put the stack of papers down on her desk, face up so she could read them. She looked at him for a moment before moving to sit down in her chair and scan through as he began talking.

"I realised I probably needed to change my emergency contact information and medical proxy... Gibbs probably wouldn't be any good..."

"Now that he is... no longer here." Ziva put in quietly.

He watched as she flipped to the next page, where the details of the new contact and proxy were filled in. He saw as she almost froze as she read the new name... and re read it. As she scanned over the information he had filled in, before allowing her fingers to hover over the name as if she wanted to touch it... to verify the ink was actually on the paper.

"See? Not going anywhere." He said quietly.

She offered him a small smile,

"Yes, there would be very little point in doing this" she gestured to the papers, "If you were leaving."

He grinned slightly,

"Ah, the NCIS Agent skills come in to play." She rolled her eyes but laughed. She looked at the sheet one more time before flipping the front sheet back down. Standing up she pulled on her coat and he retrieved the stack from her desk.

Turning he began to walk towards the elevator, when she grabbed his arm and stopped him. He turned back to her one eyebrow raised.

"Are you going to tell him about that?" she waved her hands towards the forms. He tilted his head to the side.

"You think I should ask his permission before I hand them in?"

"No, I am sure he would be happy McGee... honoured even that you would trust him with something like this."

"Then there's no need." He said decisively.

Seeing her about to object he continued with the explanation he had given himself in answer to that exact same question.

"I thought about telling him... about asking him if this was okay, but I just don't see the need. I..."

He paused as he tried to think of how to put it, taking in her slightly tilted head as she waited,

" I trust that he'll make a decision that's best for me, what I would want. I trust him to know me well enough to not have to prep him on what to do in different situations. I... I trust _him..._ That's all I need."

Looking at her he saw her eyes were slightly bright. She studied him for a moment before she nodded her head.

"Okay."

"Okay." He repeated. "So... you approve?"

"He is... a good choice McGee."

"I considered putting you down." He didn't even plan on saying it, it just slipped out. He saw her head jerk to him in response and he felt himself blush slightly at the questioning look she shot him.

"I trust you too you know." He elaborated, feeling that he owed her an explanation now that he had blurted it out. "I think you would be a good choice too, but Tony..."

He trailed off and she smiled softly at him,

"Is Tony?"

"Yeah."

"He has known you longer," she continued, "You have fought together... lost together."

His smile dropped slightly as Kate's face flashed in his mind.

"Yeah."

He felt her hand on his face tilting it to look at her and he read the empathy, the understanding, and the slight apology for stirring those memories. He continued to look at her even after she moved her hand from his face and continued to talk.

"Gibbs told you when he left that you were a good agent. He was right. You make good decisions McGee, have good instincts. This..." she gestured to the papers again, "This is a good decision."

"Thank you, Ziva."

They looked at each other for a moment longer, silent understanding passing between them.

A thought suddenly popped into McGee's head making a small grin appear on his face and breaking the seriousness of the moment.

"You know it's probably best I don't tell him I've put him down." He mused out loud. Ziva raised her eyebrow at him questioningly and the grin widened.

"Well after he had appreciated the seriousness... could you imagine the jokes and the ego boost?"

Ziva's eyes twinkled with the same humour as his own as she nodded solemnly,

"He would be insufferable."

He shuddered,

"Can you imagine all the movies he would reference about strange surgeries and tests he could have done?"

They started moving to the elevator as the conversation continued,

"Oh we watched one like that!... Inspector Gizmo?"

"Gadget Ziva. Gadget... Oh god you're right. That would be high on the list."

"I'm sure it wouldn't be that bad," she had one of the best acting faces he had ever seen, she almost looked as if she was really trying to console him but he saw the slight twitch of her lips that meant a follow up comment was coming, "... McGadget."

He groaned good naturedly and shook his head. He was about to make a comment in return when he realised where the elevator was, and quickly stopped the doors before they could close again. Turning to Ziva he smiled and said,

"I want to get these handed in now, so I'll get off here. "

She nodded at him and smiled,

"See you tomorrow McGee." He smiled slightly as he heard the certainty in her voice. No longer a question but a fact; he would be there.

"Yeah Ziva. See you."

He turned around as the metal doors closed, blocking her from view. Taking a deep breath he walked towards the personnel office. As he walked he flipped to the second page and looked at the top line.

Name of new proxy: _Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo._

He smiled.


	5. McGee the Puppy

Tony was slightly nervous as he sat down opposite the director. It wasn't like he had anything to be nervous about... at least he didn't think he did. It was just a routine progress report, on both how his team was doing as well as the side project the woman in front of him had ordered. Both had been going well as far as he could tell, and that allowed him to keep the broad smile on his face as he sat down.

"Madam Director, always a pleasure." He greeted, and smiled at the fond twitch of her lips. They had become closer over the past few weeks, both as a part of his undercover assignment and as she checked in on how his team was doing.

"Agent DiNozzo... I have something we need to discuss."

The welcoming, familiar look on her face was replaced by a serious expression that Tony couldn't help but frown at. These talks were usually mostly informal as she simply checked on his official and unofficial cases and their progression.

"Ma'am?" he raised an eyebrow in question, "Is there a problem?"

"I'm not sure Tony." She leaned back in her chair, smile still absent, but he took the use of his first name to be a good sign.

"Something was brought to my attention recently, and I would like to hear your perspective."

Tony frowned, trying to think of anything that had happened on a case or his assignment that could have been reported to her.

"I've been notified of a few agents wishing to move teams and enquiring about a supposedly available spot on yours. I was wondering if you had made it known a position may be coming up."

His eyes widened as he took in what she was saying, people thought there was going to be a space on his team? That he was getting rid of one of his people?

"I'm sorry director... but what?"

She seemed to be pleased by his reaction and he continued,

"I mean, yeah Lee had a couple of problems settling in but we're working on them, I'm not kicking her off the team..."

"Tony" He stopped as she interrupted and looked at him,

"Agents have been making enquiries, not to me directly, but to others, about the position of senior field agent."

He stopped short as he tried to process the words,

"Let me get this straight... they think I'm getting rid of McGee?" Another possibility occurred to him and his heart sank, "Or has he asked for a transfer?"

He relaxed as the director looked like she was about to laugh as she remembered something,

"I don't think McGee has any problems with being your senior field agent Tony. I was simply wondering if you had made any sort of comment that could have led to people to this conclusion?"

He briefly wondered what had her so sure that Tim was happy with the position, but brushed it off as he tried to think back over anything he could have said that would lead people to think he was firing McGee.

He shook his head, "I can't think of anything. Could it just be a rumour? I mean there was a lot of talk that ... some appointments... were only temporary until it could be sorted out. Maybe this is just more of that?"

He didn't know what to think when that same look of amused recollection appeared on her face, before she continued,

"Yes I remember, I viewed some... mixed opinions on those comments."

He raised one eyebrow in question wondering if she would tell him what people had been saying. She waved him off,

"Maybe some other time. But, Tony, for the record you have no intentions of finding a replacement SFA?"

He shook his head vigorously,

"Of course not! McGee's great at it! I trust him to have my back any day, there's no way I'm getting rid of him! He's like... he's like a puppy you get when you're a kid."

He saw the laughter building up on her face, and the fond smile was back,

"Really Tony?"

He nodded,

"Of course! You know when your parents bring home this little thing that has no clue what to do, but it's real eager to please and learn? And then you decide what the hell, and you sit there and you train it to do some tricks...then it surprises you by turning round and doing exactly what you wanted, before going the extra mile, doing something you never even taught it but that's so cool and clever. And before you know it you have this awesome best friend that's loyal as hell. They seem to know exactly what you need all the time without you even having to ask, and you can't really imagine your life without them."

She shook her head even as she laughed,

"I thought your thing was movie references not metaphors?"

He shrugged as he grinned,

"I dabble. Besides, I thought it was pretty good..."

"McGee the puppy?"

"I could call him McMutt!.. . not that I'm gonna tell him what I said... are you?"

She smiled at him, looking him in the eyes,

"No, I'm good at keeping conversations like this under wraps." Again he got the feeling there was something he was missing, but shook it off, she was the director, and she probably talked to hundreds of agents and had many conversations a lot like this one.

"Have you ever told him?"

His head shot up as the question caught him off guard. He frowned,

"Ma'am?"

"That he's your best friend Tony."

He saw the curious look in her expression and wondered what had prompted the interest in the team dynamic... or in his and Tim's dynamic specifically.

"Not in so many words." He said evasively, before trying to drop it with a joke " I mean who else could it be? It's not like I have much time for a social life."

He saw her eyes twinkle,

"Your boss a bit of a slave driver?"

He realised he'd been caught out, "Not at all Ma'am. I have the utmost respect for my boss madam director ma'am."

She rolled her eyes, "What is it with all the ma'ams from you people?"

He smiled, "Sign of respect Ma'am... either that or they're scared of you."

"Which one for you?"

He shrugged good naturedly, "To be honest? A little of both."

"Good answer."

"Despite what my team seems to think I can do politics."

* * *

The meeting lapsed back into its normal rhythm after that, and Tony was relieved by the familiarity. He was still bothered as to where the rumour would have come from, but as long as the director was aware that there was no foundation to it he knew it wouldn't be a problem. As far as he could tell his team hadn't heard any such chatter, and he would be glad if it stayed that way. Tim didn't need to think he was planning on getting rid of him, but he also didn't need it brought to light that everyone else thought he was. He would start to question how good of a job he was doing if he heard people thought he should be replaced. He knew it had affected him when the same had been happening, and had been grateful when it suddenly seemed to die down.

Before he knew it the meeting was over and he was standing up to leave. It wasn't until he was on his way out that something from earlier came back to him, and he paused in the door, turning back momentarily. The director was already looking at one of the folders on her desk.

"Just so you know..." he saw her stop and look up at the sound of his voice, "I've never told him... but he knows."

She nodded and smiled at him,

"He does."

He decided to walk out rather than question her on what she had meant. Was she just trusting his word on it or had something happened? He shrugged it off, it wasn't important. She was probably just interested because of the rumours, trying to see why they started? As far as he knew she and McGee had never really talked so there was no need to over analyse what had just happened... whatever had just happened. It was like he had been missing out on something all the way through the conversation.

* * *

His musing was forgotten as he walked down the stairs back to the squadroom. He looked at all the agents milling around. Were some of them the people asking about Tim's job? How many of them were looking to take his place? He shook off the paranoia and plastered on a grin as he walked into the bullpen, the strangeness of his conversation with the director already a faded idea.

"How are we doing?" He questioned to the group at large.

"Cold cases." McGee shrugged from where he sat typing away at his keyboard, pausing to look up and offer Tony a smile which he returned. "We divided up the folders, there's a few on your desk...oh, and here's the reports from the last case." Tony grinned as McGee handed across a neatly organised file. "You just need to sign off on them."

"Thanks McGee." Tony turned and walked to his desk, still smiling. Why would he need a replacement senior field agent? Again the thought struck him that the people wanting McGee's job could be wandering around.

"Hey McGee!" He waited until he looked up from his computer before smiling and waving the folder in his hands, "Good job."

Even if it was just in his head, he was talking about more than the folder.

* * *

**Just to let you know this is going to be slightly longer than I was planning! Not giving too much away but there's only going to be about another chapter or two before we get to Gibbs getting back, however after that I'm picking random bits from the next couple of seasons to see how the effects keep on going and the Tony and Tim bromance continues! It will go AU slightly in an episode rewrite, but from the plan I've scribbled down will end up being 30 chapters or more. Wish me luck! I've got most of it planned and the bits picked out so won't be too difficult to write. Hope you enjoy it, thanks for reading!**


	6. Changed

**Sorry this one is slightly later than I'd planned but it's back to school so busy busy! Anyway hope you enjoy. **

**Just so you know there's been a bit of a time jump here from the last chapter.**

* * *

Tim wiped the sweat off his forehead as he walked back into his building. His running clothes clung to him in places and he was breathing heavily. He had run further than usual, trying to muddle through everything in his head before heading back. He figured he'd been partially successful.

As he made it to the corridor, he automatically reached towards his gun at the sight of a figure standing by his apartment door. They turned towards him slightly and he aborted the attempt, relaxing his muscles again.

"Ziva." He greeted, before frowning in concern, "You alright?"

She smiled at him.

"I am fine McGee... I just wished to talk?"

He nodded, as he unlocked the door.

"Sure, yeah, come on in."

She followed in behind him as he set his keys and phone down. He turned to face her, and was about to suggest they sit down, when he remembered his sweaty state.

"You mind giving me a minute?" he asked, gesturing to his clothing.

"Not at all McGee... If it is a bad time I can..."

He cut her off quickly,

"It's not a problem Ziva, and it would probably be good for both of us."

She gave him a small smile which he returned,

"Make yourself at home." He gestured to one of the chairs, "If you're hungry, or thirsty I'm sure there's something in the kitchen, help yourself."

Waiting for her nod he moved into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. He quickly retrieved sweats and a t-shirt from his draw before entering the bathroom. He chose a rinse off over the full shower he would usually have after a run, getting dried and dressed quickly afterwards to avoid keeping Ziva waiting.

He was still towelling off his hair when he stepped back into the room. Ziva had evidently followed his instructions and was sitting in one of the chairs, fingers curled round a steaming mug off coffee. He smiled in gratitude as she gestured to a second mug placed on the table.

"Thanks Ziva." He picked it up and took a sip, sighing in relief at the welcome caffeine.

"You are welcome McGee. It is your coffee after all."

He let out a small laugh as he sat down, taking another larger swallow. There was silence for a moment as they both enjoyed their drinks and put off talking about the obvious issue. It was Tim that broke the increasingly tense silence first.

"So..." Ziva's head snapped up to look at him, "Gibbs is back."

She nodded, face blank. Obviously she was looking for him to continue.

"For good." He wasn't sure what else to say.

She nodded again, "So it would seem."

He sighed and put his mug back on the table, running a hand through his hair.

"Is it bad that I don't know how to feel about that?"

She studied him for a minute. "I do not think so."

He looked at her, she had come to him after all, there must be something bothering her, "How do you feel about it?"

Discarding her own mug she leaned further back in her chair.

"I am... confused." She admitted and he smiled,

"Me too."

"It is not the same anymore."

He nodded in agreement, and tried to articulate what was going through his head, he knew it was alright to talk to her about it. They had come to an almost unspoken agreement that conversations like this stayed strictly between them. They would happen and then be locked away, nothing repeated to anyone else. They had both needed people to talk to over the last couple of months and this had happened more than once.

"He left." He saw her frown slightly and explained, "I know he wasn't... wasn't really Gibbs when he left, but he was still... gone. We had to move on, we weren't sure if he was ever going to remember us properly. If he had come back sooner..."

"We would not be having this conversation." She put in quietly.

Tim nodded in agreement with her statement.

"Yeah... but things have changed. We've changed. Months ago I would have been so glad he'd come back but now..."

"We have changed?" He smiled as she repeated his words and she returned it.

"Yeah... I'm not saying it's not good to see him, because it is, I'm just not as glad as I would have been once..." he frowned, "Am I making sense?"

She grinned slightly and let out a small laugh.

"Yes McGee... You are saying that we have started to move on. To come to accept he was not returning."

"Yeah," he nodded in agreement once more, "But more than that. When he first left people would ask me whose team I was on and I would start to think of his name and then replace it with Tony's now..."

She smiled sadly at him,

"It is not Gibbs' name you think of first?"

He corrected her, "I don't think of his name at all. When I think of team leader it's just Tony. I thought if Gibbs ever came back I would be able to switch easily but..."

"Now you are not so sure?" He looked her in the eyes trying to see what she thought about that. Her face was almost unreadable but he saw no judgement, only curiosity.

"Yeah, and it's almost like a part of me doesn't want to go back to thinking like that."

She frowned slightly, and he saw it was once more mostly curious,

"Why? Because you have got used to Gibbs being gone, or are you afraid he will leave again and do not wish to get used to him being back?"

He shook his head, "No it's not that..." he paused thinking about how to answer as she studied him, "It's more like... like I don't want to undo everything that happened while he was gone."

He saw her brow crinkle slightly in confusion,

"I... do not understand."

He sighed, "I don't... I don't want to go back to the way things were before."

"To not being senior field agent?"

He saw what she was getting at and he shook his head in vehement denial, "God no... it's just I'll miss... well I'll miss being _Tony's_ senior field agent..."

The confusion was back again, and he decided to explain further.

"If it was just the position I'd miss I could request a transfer to another team, work my way up, but it's more the fact of the person I was working with... He could have asked for someone else, he was in charge of the team after all. He could have asked the director to bring in a new SFA instead of a new probie but he didn't... it was just... it was nice to know that he trusted me to have his back."

He looked up, not realising he had glanced away as he had been talking, not being able to pour out what he was thinking while looking into Ziva's searching brown eyes. Meeting them again he saw her gaze was soft with understanding,

"It was nice to know he trusted you as much as you trusted him? That he was working with you because he chose to rather than because someone else told him to?"

He nodded; glad she saw where he was coming from, "Yeah... and I guess a part of me just really doesn't want to let that go."

"I understand McGee." She said quietly, "I am... I should be pleased he is back, and I am. But I shall also miss it. We have all of us, become closer; we rely on each other ... differently than we did before."

He nodded understanding what was bothering her,

"We come to each other rather than just going to Gibbs' basement?"

She nodded,

"It has made us stronger. I am not sure I want that to change."

"It doesn't have to." He offered hesitantly, "You're still welcome here any time Ziva."

She smiled gratefully at him,

"Thank You McGee. The same applies to you."

He grinned at her,

"I'll remember that. Thanks Ziva."

There was silence for a minute. This time Ziva broke it,

"I still do not think he is our Gibbs."

He grinned as they both said in unison,

"It's the moustache."

"I think Abby mentioned something about it making him look distinguished."

Ziva laughed,

"She is just happy he is back, she can stop her count of how many days he has been gone."

Tim nodded,

"I bet she'll be the first to visit for the three b's "

Ziva frowned at him and he grinned once more,

"You know, the basement, the bourbon and..."

"The boat" Ziva finished laughing slightly, and Tim smiled at the happy sound, aware the serious conversation was well and truly over.

"I sometimes think they missed that last b off his name."

She laughed again,

"Maybe you should ask him."

"Nah, he has his own explanation for what they stand for anyway."

"And you do not wish to receive a head slap so soon."

"That too."

* * *

**I know it's short, it's just a conversation I wanted to include :) The next one is longer I promise, and I can say that with complete honesty as it's already typed up. Just got to edit but will be posting it over the next couple of days.**


	7. More than Qualified

**Hey this chapter was really easy to write... which probably means it sounds all wrong! It's actually because of this chapter that I wrote the story in the first place, and it's been swimming around in my head since I started! **

**Anyway this is just my spin on a comment that always bugged me, and the start of a series of episode tags, looking at how the changed Tim and Tony dynamic impacts through the next couple of seasons. Hope you enjoy! **

**Set right before and during the ep Singled out**

* * *

"Hey Cynthia, is the director free?" McGee smiled politely at the woman behind the desk, and she returned it.

"Take a seat and I'll let her know you're here agent McGee."

"Thanks Cynthia."

The woman simply smiled again and turned back to her monitor. Taking a deep breath Tim walked over to the seating area and perched on the edge of a chair. He stared at the doors to the director's office, wondering for the thousandth time if he was doing the right thing.

Of course he was. Tony had earned this. He deserved this.

* * *

_**Two days earlier**_

Tim sighed as he finished putting everything back in its place. It had taken a ridiculous amount of time simply to move desk. To move everything those few feet, but what felt like miles. Because it was going to be like starting all over again.

He had come in early knowing Ziva and Lee had moved their things last night, and that Tony was planning on coming in this evening, using his weekend to make the shift. Leaving the team leader desk free for Gibbs to move back in. As if he'd never been gone... but he had.

They had a whole new dynamic now, one Gibbs hadn't been a part of. They would have to get used to him being around again.

No one was sure where Ducky and Gibbs stood, the old friendship hanging precariously.

Abby had welcomed him back with open arms, acting as if he'd never been gone... and that was frustrating.

Because things_ were_ different. He _had_ been gone. And they had all started to move on. He knew it wasn't the same for Abby, she wasn't out in the field with them every day, hadn't had to compensate and adapt to having a different agent, learning to read different signals.

So she didn't understand why they couldn't just act as if nothing had ever happened. Because unlike her they hadn't been able to stubbornly wait for the time when Gibbs would show up again. They had had to change to survive, to make sure they could work well in the field.

And because it had _worked_. Because the dynamic they had been forced to create had been easy, built on trust and respect and friendship. They had changed, and although they had missed Gibbs they had also quite liked the way things were. Tony had been a good leader, able to command their respect and get them to follow his orders, but also willing to let them disagree with him, voice their opinions and objections, and to come out and be their friend for a drink and a pizza when the case was done.

Tim sighed as he sat down at the desk, his desk once more. It seemed a lifetime ago he had sat here. And perhaps it was. The lifetime of a different man. One that hadn't proved he could handle being senior field agent, who hadn't shared the same level of friendship and respect with Tony that he did now.

It was his phone ringing that brought him out of his reverie. Smiling as he saw the caller pop up on the screen. He held the phone to his ear and leaned back in his chair.

"Hey Jim, how's the wedding planning?"

He heard a chuckle on the other end,

"_Nothing to do with me. I'm being smart and staying out of it, just nodding in all the right places."_

Tim laughed himself,

"The armed federal agent, brought down by event planning."

"_I won't tell the crooks if you don't."_

He laughed again, "Deal, so was there something you needed?"

"_Couple of things actually, firstly you're still alright to be a groomsman yeah? No big cases come up?"_

"Nah, we're looking through cold case files at the moment. And if something comes up between now and next Saturday, I told you I asked for the day off..." he trailed off remembering that it had been a different team leader he'd applied to for the leave. Shaking his head he brushed it off, the request had already been approved.

"They'll just have to manage without me for a few hours."

"_Great! Well Rick should be sending you the info about the stag do soon, he's promised me nothing too wild."_

"Sounds good, I'm looking forward to it. I'm sure you're partner will come up with something inventive."

He heard the laugh from the other end and smiled. He was happy for his friend. He was a good man and his wife to be adored him as much as he loved her.

"_Yeah well, that's if he has the time, he's busy helping out with some overseas project. Apparently they're setting up a new MCRT in Rota Spain, and he's writing a recommendation for the resources that should take priority, apparently they needed someone with experience of serving on a newly formed overseas team and he was volunteered."_

Tim winced in sympathy,

"Wasn't that years ago?"

"_Yeah, but all the other agents that could have done it were conveniently busy."_

Tim laughed again, idly flicking through his emails as he talked,

"I don't blame them."

Jim chuckled too,

"_Well he does, I think if he ever finds out their names they're all immediately going on the blacklist... any way I've got to go, there was something about napkin rings I need to sort out."_

"Sounds like fun."

"_You my friend clearly need a new definition of fun."_

Tim smiled as the line went dead, and slipped his phone back into his pocket.

* * *

He sighed as he sat waiting to be called in. It had taken him a while to recall Jim's conversation and what it meant.

New team.

It stood to reason that this meant the need for a new team leader.

And he knew someone who was fantastic at the job.

Who deserved it.

"Agent McGee?"

He was startled out of his thoughts as Cynthia called to him. Looking up he saw her smiling in his direction,

"The Director will see you now."

Nodding he stood up, "Thanks Cynthia."

She smiled and waved him through the door. Taking a deep breath he pulled down the handle and entered, closing the door softly behind him.

"Morning Agent McGee, please take a seat."

He smiled as he walked towards her desk, taking his place in the facing chair,

"Morning Ma'am, thank you for seeing me."

She smiled at him slightly, and he thought he almost caught her resisting the urge to roll her eyes,

"Always the Ma'am with you people... what can I do for you Agent McGee?"

She leant forward in her chair, eyes fixed on him, and he took a deep breath, forcing himself not to shy back from the gaze.

"It's about something I've heard... Is it true there's a new team forming in Spain?"

She looked at him curiously,

"The plans aren't final yet, but that is the idea."

He nodded, taking a deep breath to steel himself.

"I was wondering if the agents forming the team had been decided?"

Her face was blank apart from one slightly raised eyebrow, and he fought not to squirm under her gaze,

"Are you volunteering Agent McGee?"

He shook his head,

"No Ma'am... I'm actually here..." he took a deep breath once more, " I want to recommend Agent DiNozzo, for the team leader position."

The director paused and studied him for a moment and he made sure to meet her eyes, finally she nodded at him,

"Go on."

Tim relaxed slightly,

"Agent DiNozzo is more than qualified; he has had team leader experience over the last few months, and has served as an agent on one of the agencies top teams for several years. He speaks Spanish so would be able to interact with locals..."

He stopped as she interrupted him,

"Agent McGee, give me _your _recommendation."

He frowned slightly in confusion as she elaborated,

"You obviously feel strongly about this Age... Tim. So talk to me about that. Not what I can get from the files. Not the cold logical explanation."

He nodded in assent, but still hesitated,

"Permission to speak freely Ma'am?"

"Of course Agent McGee... and strictly off the record."

He sighed,

"Tony, would be great at this. He's been brilliant over the last few months, he was quick to adapt and thrive in the position. He's proved over and over again that he deserves this responsibility. He has a great way of understanding his team, and he's not afraid to think more outside the box. He takes his agents' opinions into account, and listens to them when they call him out on a mistake. Quite frankly director... he's the best team leader you could ask for."

"But?"

He saw her studying him again, searching his eyes and he looked away,

"Ma'am?"

"Why would you not want him to get this job McGee?"

"What makes you think..."

"You were hesitant to recommend him McGee. And it wasn't just fear of overstepping your place."

He sighed and closed his eyes briefly before opening them, hardening his expression into one of resolve.

"There is nothing that makes Tony unqualified to do this director. I think that's all I need to say."

She looked at him again and he met her gaze evenly, clenching his fist slightly in an effort to not look away. Finally the director leaned back in her chair and he barely caught himself about to release a small sigh of relief.

"Very well Agent McGee. I have candidates in mind but I will take your recommendation into account."

Tim nodded curtly,

"Thank you Ma'am."

"You are dismissed."

He smiled at her slightly and stood, walking to the door. He grabbed the handle and walked out, closing it softly behind him. He nodded to Cynthia as he walked past and she smiled at him briefly before returning to whatever she was doing.

* * *

He tried to forget about the possibility of Tony leaving as they worked their first case. It was hard.

Because he kept being reminded of how good a job Tony had done. How much he deserved that promotion.

First dispatch called Tony, and he had tried to make Gibbs feel more welcomed back, make everything less awkward, by brushing it off, pretending it hadn't happened.

And Gibbs had gone and ruined it.

"_Ask DiNozzo, all I got was a wrong number."_

He was mad. Because Tony had been trying to make everything easier for everyone, make the transition back smoother.

_You're the one that left, not him, he doesn't deserve to suffer for it._

Not to mention he had to force himself to look at Gibbs for instructions rather than Tony.

And then Gibbs couldn't figure out the new truck system. And Tim got no small amount of pleasure when Gibbs had asked if it was more efficient,

"_Seems to be."_

_Tony did a good job, while you were gone, it worked. He was amazing. He made good choices. His changes made us stronger, closer, and more effective. Why can't you see that?_

* * *

It was later that he got the phone call. This time from Jim's partner Rick.

It had started out as a pleasant conversation, with them talking about what had been planned for the stag do and about the wedding.

Then he had asked about how Rick's project was going.

"_Oh that, yeah, I'm almost done, this chick they're gonna ask to head it better appreciate everything being ready when she turns up!"_

This chick. Rick had apparently overheard the most likely candidate for the team leader position was a female agent.

As in not Tony.

And he was angry. Really angry. At the director... slightly, but mostly... mostly at himself.

Because secretly, selfishly, he hadn't wanted Tony to get the job. He knew he deserved it, and would be happy for him, would support him... but deep down, he really hadn't wanted him to leave.

And what if that meant that when he argued Tony's case he hadn't been as convincing as he could of? Hadn't made the director see just how good of a choice Tony was for this? She had picked up on it in her conversation after all, picked up on his hesitancy.

What if that had lost Tony that chance? What if_ he_ had lost Tony that chance?

So when Tony called him probie he was annoyed. Because it was as if those few months were being erased. As if they hadn't all proved themselves capable of managing without Gibbs.

As if Tony hadn't proved himself.

And it was like something inside of him tugged at his stomach at the thought that Tony was using what had come to be a term of endearment, when he had failed him so spectacularly.

And when he asked,

"_You don't think I rate my own team?"_

He answered bitterly,

"_You wouldn't still be here if you did."_

Because he hadn't been able to_ prove_ Tony did. Hadn't been able to _make_ people see what he saw. And Tony was still here because he hadn't been able to make_ other _people think that he rated his own team.

He hadn't said anything about what he thought himself.

And he hated himself slightly more when Gibbs told him about Franks. Still calling him probie after all these years. Because a part of him liked the idea that Tony was going to stick around to call him that.

A very large part.


	8. Enough paperwork already

**Sorry it took so long, but here's the next instalment. Like I said it's an episode tag, which most of them will be from now on. Enjoy!**

* * *

He jerked as he felt a hand shake his shoulder, automatically reaching towards his weapon.

The grip on his shoulder promptly vanished, and was replaced by a gentle hand on his arm.

"Calm down Tony, it's just me." He relaxed at the familiarity of the voice and prised his eyelids open,

"McGee?" He took in the worried look on the man's face hovering in front of him. "What are you doing here?" Looking around he realised he must have fallen asleep on the couch.

"Checking on you." McGee's voice turned his attention back to the man crouching in front of him. Realising he was still lying down, he straightened out, stretching his back to work out the ache and tension that had built up. He watched as Tim stood and moved over to switch on the lights.

He winced at the sudden change, closing his eyes again. He heard footsteps moving across the room back towards him, and knew when McGee stopped and stood in front of him. He cracked his eyes open, squinting slightly, and saw Tim had once again crouched down, so their eyes were level. McGee's forehead was creased with worry.

"How's the head?"

Tony was tired and confused, not really sure what McGee was talking about, or why he was here.

"Huh?"

The frown increased, and suddenly there was a hand on his chin, tilting his head as Tim looked intently into his eyes, studying them. Tony grinned at him awkwardly, still not quite sure what was going on,

"Hate to break it to you McGee, but I don't swing that way."

He saw Tim roll his eyes but continue looking at him carefully, before seeming satisfied and relinquishing his grip.

"Do you remember what happened?"

Suddenly the concern and the questions all made sense and Tony groaned.

"Franks' bid for freedom?"

He almost missed the small sigh of relief Tim let out, and thought he had imagined it, but the lessening of the tension in his posture was visible, and the frown was no longer so obvious. Tim stood and straightened.

"Yep... not that I can blame him for wanting to get away from you."

"Ha ha McGee."

Tim smiled slightly down at him, raising an eyebrow slightly,

"Who said I was joking?"

"Hey!" He cried indignantly before grinning as he realised he had an advantage, "Then why are you here? Miss me?"

He watched as Tim rolled his eyes again before he reached into his pocket and produced a small bottle of pills, shaking them so the contents rattled.

"Trust me this is purely for self preservation, I do not want to have to deal with you tomorrow without these."

Tony recognised the pain meds Ducky had provided for any headaches. Just thinking about it made him notice the dull throbbing in his skull, and he felt himself grimace. He saw a small smile appear on Tim's face, masking the concern in his eyes slightly.

"Thought so. You left them on your desk."

Leaving the pills on the small table next to the couch, McGee moved off in the direction of the kitchen. Tony heard cupboard doors open and a tap running, before footsteps made their way back towards him.

McGee re-entered the room, glass of water in hand. Tony frowned slightly as McGee detoured instead of coming straight towards him, moving towards the front door. Looking over he saw him pick up a box that seemed to have been placed carelessly on the side, almost as if someone had abandoned it in a hurry.

As McGee walked over to him Tony saw a very familiar logo on the side of the box and the smell drifted towards him. His stomach growled in response. Tim smiled slightly again, and placed the box down in front of him while handing him the glass of water.

"I picked it up on my way over." Tim explained, as he reached for the pill bottle, reading the label carefully before shaking two out onto his palm and handing them over. "I figured you wouldn't have had anything to eat yet, and you need to when you take these. It's your favourite."

Tony put the pills in his mouth and took a large swallow of the water to flush them down. Looking over at Tim who sat down in a chair opposite him, he nodded.

"Thanks McGee." Reaching for the box he flipped it open, and his stomach rumbled once more at the sight.

"Yeah well, can't have you starving to death... I have enough paperwork to do as it is."

Tony glared at him, but if McGee's expression was anything to go by the effect was completely ruined by the large bite of pizza he had jammed in his mouth, preventing him from talking.

Thinking over McGee's words brought a sense of de ja vu, and he suddenly realised what McGee was thinking of.

* * *

_**A few weeks earlier**_

"You are sure you will be alright McGee?" Tim smiled at Ziva as she stood at the door preparing to leave.

"It's just a headache Ziva. I'll be fine."

She glared at him.

"I was there when Ducky talked to you McGee. He called it a migraine and exhaustion, from overwork and not eating. That is not simply a headache."

Tim sighed, even though she was right. He was touched by her concern but he didn't need all this fuss and attention.

"And he gave me the pills to deal with it, and said I'd be fine on my own. Really Ziva, I plan on eating and sleeping as much as possible."

She studied him for a moment and he rolled his eyes.

"Ziva, go work on the case, I'll call if I need anything."

* * *

He hadn't called.

Not even when he had had to tightly shut all the curtains and turn off the lights to stop his eyes burning.

Or when the quick meal he had prepared for himself, feeling ravenously hungry, had suddenly been expelled into the toilet after an overwhelming bout of nausea.

Or when he just felt so tired that he had stripped off his work clothes and collapsed into bed wearing only a pair of old sweats.

That was how Tony found him approximately six hours later; curled tightly in a ball, restlessly sleeping.

The relief in solving the case was only ruined by the fact that he was worried about the agent that had made the breakthrough.

Tony was insanely proud of Tim right now. The fact that he had even noticed the discrepancy in the emails was almost unbelievable, and even the director had been impressed when he had reported to her on the outcome.

But no one had heard from McGee since Ducky had sent him home hours ago and Ziva had given him a ride. Tonty himself hadn't had any contact since he had sent him down with Ziva to see the ME... and now he was worried.

Knowing McGee he should have called in by now to check on how the case had gone, and he should be rebuking him for not resting.

That's how this was supposed to work.

Instead... nothing.

He almost wished McGee had called, because that would be normal. Then at least he would know that even if he was ill, it was still only a slightly hindered McGee.

Which was why he found himself driving towards McGee's apartment instead of his own, for once hoping his instincts were wrong.

Closing the door to McGee's apartment behind him he was pretty sure they had held true. He had knocked twice before letting himself in with the spare key Tim had given him.

The place was silent.

Moving further in he frowned at the darkness that greeted him. Had Tim gone out?

Deciding to check he moved quietly through the rooms. He found evidence that Tim had been there, which both reassured and worried him. There was a dirty plate and some kitchen utensils by the sink waiting to be washed up.

It was reassuring in the fact that Tim had eaten, but disturbed him slightly as McGee normally washed up things immediately out of habit. That way if he had to leave in a hurry food wouldn't be left to fester and mould while he worked on a case. It was a habit he should probably pick up to be honest.

Moving out of the kitchen he made his way towards the bedroom. The door was slightly ajar and he opened it cautiously. It made a slight creaking noise, and he winced before opening it wide. Stepping into the room he could make out a lump on the bed but not much more. He debated switching the light on but the place was obviously in darkness for a reason.

Instead he opted for moving further into the room and calling Tim's name softly,

"McGee? Tim?"

The lump moved, but otherwise didn't respond and he chose to move closer to the bed. As he walked he tripped over something on the ground and cursed as he stumbled. This time there was a reaction to the noise, the bundle moved again and one arm became visible out of the covers, reaching onto the bedside table and grabbing something before sitting up.

"Sorry McGee." Tony grinned sheepishly, and blinked as the other arm moved across and switched on a bedside lamp.

"Tony?" McGee was blinking sluggishly and staring at him in confusion. Looking down he saw a lowered gun in McGee's other hand, resting on the covers now, and he offered a guilty look as he took in the paleness and tiredness of McGee's face.

"Sorry McGee, didn't mean to startle you."

Tim reached across and put the gun back on the nightstand.

"Not your fault."

Tim's voice was soft, barely audible even in the silent room. He began sitting up, shifting himself on the bed as Tony watched. As he did so Tony saw a grimace form on his face and his hand came up to clutch at his head, eyes screwed shut.

Darting over to the bedside, Tony placed a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently,

"McGee?"

"I'm fine." Tony rolled his eyes at McGee's mumbled, slightly slurred answer.

"Obviously."

Tim grunted in response and went to sit up again. Tony placed a hand on his shoulder and gently forced him back down,

"Go back to sleep McGee... Anything you want me to get you?"

Tim shook his head even as he lay back down, more compliant with the order than he would normally have been.

"No... thanks Tony."

Tony was about to answer when he heard the even breathing that signalled his friend had gone back to sleep. Sighing and running a hand through his hair he stood there a moment longer before turning off the bedside lamp and quietly making his way out of the room.

He pulled the door closed behind him, and made sure it softly clicked shut. Looking around the small apartment he wondered what he could do while McGee was sleeping, because there was no way he was leaving him alone like this.

He was startled by the pained moan from the bedroom, but soon jerked out of his frozen position and made a dash for the door, being careful to keep quiet even in his hurry.

"McGee?" He whispered as he stepped into the room. The figure on the bed twisted and blinked blearily up at him through the darkness,

"T'ny?"

Moving further into the room, he nodded in confirmation,

"Yeah Tim, what's wrong?"

"Woke up." came the mumbled response, even as Tim curled further in on himself, pressing his face into the pillow. Tony resisted the urge to chuckle at the answer.

"Then go back to sleep."

"Can't"

He frowned then,

"Why not?"

"Hurts."

He nodded in understanding, the urge to laugh gone,

"Head's that bad huh?"

There was a slight nod, and now looking closely he saw how tightly Tim's jaw was tensed, and how his whole face was screwed up in response to the pain.

"Hang on a second." Moving into the bathroom he grabbed a couple of wash cloths and ran them under the tap, glancing at his watch as he did so.

Coming back to Tim's bedside, he gently laid one of the cloths over Tim's tightly closed eyes, and his forehead, smiling minutely at the small groan of appreciation that elicited. Placing the other one on the back of his neck, he then poured a glass of water from the jug on the side.

"Tony... why 're you still here?" The question was quiet. Looking over he saw Tim watching him, having lifted the corner of the cloth and squinting out from under the gap.

Coming back over to the bed he held out the glass of water, which Tim took, before producing a bottle of pills from his pocket. Seeing Tim's raised eyebrow he explained,

"Found them on the side in the kitchen, with a handy little note from you with the time you took your last dose, and..." making a show of looking at his watch before tipping two pills out of the container, and holding them out,

"You're overdue for pain relief."

Taking the pills from his palm, Tim leaned up on his elbow for a moment, swallowing them with some of the water, before placing the glass on the nightstand next to the gun.

"You never answered my question."

Tony looked at him as he lay back down, pulling the cloth back over his eyes

"The decor in here was just too brilliant to leave behind."

"Seriously Tony."

He shrugged even though McGee couldn't see it.

"Team leader. It's my job to look after you guys."

"In the field Tony."

McGee's voice was fading out, and Tony let out a small, fond smile.

"Yeah, maybe. But if you died because I didn't come to check on you imagine how mad Abby would be."

This gained him a tired smile of amusement.

"And besides, I wouldn't want the paperwork of having to hire a new senior field agent."

"Hmmm." He could tell the meds were taking effect and made to move out of the room.

"T'ny?" Pausing he turned back to the bed.

"Yeah McGee?"

"You mind putting my gun in the safe?"

Frowning even as he moved towards the nightstand to grab the weapon,

"Sure..."

Even on the verge of sleep McGee obviously recognised the need for an explanation,

"I know I usually sleep with it next to me... but not while my minds clouded."

"You still had it here earlier."

He could almost see the eye roll,

"Yeah, for protection, in case some annoying guy wandered into my apartment and I had to shoot him."

"I'm not that annoying!... so why don't you need it now?"

"Because some annoying guy with his own gun wandered into my apartment, and shows no sign of leaving... He might as well be useful and play guard dog."

Tony was glad for the banter, even if McGee's side was slightly slurred and punctuated by yawns.

"And what makes you think he'll sit there and do that?"

"Well, it's his job... and besides, think of the paperwork he'd have to do... if I was attacked in my sleep."

Tony grinned to himself as Tim's words got softer and his breathing evened once more. He was not touched that McGee trusted him to look out for him while he slept, helpless and unarmed. Not at all.

* * *

Blinking back into the present Tony swallowed the large bite of pizza in his mouth, and glanced over at McGee. Realising now that Tim was trying to repay him.

"Hey, you want some of this?"

He watched as Tim stood uncertainly on his way to the door.

"Nah, I'm ok. I'm just gonna go home and..."

"Or you could stay and watch the game." he indicated towards the tv with a new pizza slice in his hand. Tim raised an eyebrow, even as he made a move back into the lounge,

"Who's playing?"

Tony offered a massive grin,

"No idea, but there's bound to be a game of something on somewhere right?"

Tim rolled his eyes even as he sat down on the couch, snatching a slice of pizza from the box.

"Well then, let's find it."

Tony picked up the remote and smiled.

* * *

**Have just realised it's one year since I joined this site, how time flies :)**


	9. Very Brokeback Mountain

**Hey guys! This one's shorter than the last, but it's up sooner! It's mainly because its mostly dialogue. Takes place in the ep 'dead and unburied' and will probably only make real sense if you've read the earlier chapters.**

* * *

Tony sighed as he flopped down on the ground. Gibbs and Ziva had only been gone a couple of minutes, but he was already fed up of waiting... And he was going to be stuck here for who knows how long until that equipment turned up.

He looked to his right as McGee sat down beside him, and raised an eyebrow.

"Sitting down on the job McSlacker?"

He saw the eye roll,

"Just following your example."

"Well... I am awesome."

Tim snorted, closing his eyes and shaking his head,

"Always so modest."

"Hey, I can't help it if I'm worthy of hero worship."

"I never said hero worship."

"It was implied."

"Whatever Tony."

There was silence for a minute and Tony lay back so he was flat on the ground. He wondered why this felt so awkward. He and Tim had been alone before, a lot. Okay sure it had decreased since Gibbs had come back but...

Okay he was lying. He knew why he felt so awkward. The fact was that since Gibbs had been back the time he and McGee had spent together outside of work had been minimal, and the only time one of them had stayed the night had been after he had his concussion and Tim watched him.

While Gibbs had been gone they had hung out at least once a week and probably slept on each other's couches only slightly less than their own beds.

But not only that. He had started to question where the two of them had stood. Whether all of that time had really been as important as he thought.

Because McGee had made it perfectly clear that he didn't think he was team leader material.

Had he thought that all along?

"What happened to us?"

Squinting one eye open he saw McGee looking down at him, countering the momentary thought he had had that his inner voice had begun to sound like McGee. Opening both eyes and adopting his joking grin he sat up.

"Like I told you McGee, I'm flattered but don't swing that..."

"Tony! Knock it off. I'm being serious here, join me for a moment."

The grin vanished and he turned to face McGee head on.

"You know what happened."

He saw Tim raise an eyebrow in what looked like genuine confusion,

"Then why would I be asking?"

"That's..." he tried to figure out a way of answering, "...actually a very good point."

McGee looked triumphant for a moment before the worried expression was back.

"Seriously Tony. A few weeks ago we would have been able to sit here for hours, no problem, now..." he used his arms to indicate the awkward space between them Tony had been contemplating minutes earlier.

"Yeah... well... things change McGee."

"Like what?" Tony sighed as McGee kept pushing,

"Just drop it McGee."

He watched as Tim opened his mouth as if to object, but thought better of it and nodded,

"Fine."

Relieved Tony lay back down and closed his eyes once more. Part of him wanted to continue the conversation, but that was the part he recognised as optimistically hopeful, that cherished some kind of idea that maybe this was all just some misunderstanding.

The part that made him stay silent insisted it would be better to just _shut up_. Because he probably really didn't want to know the answer.

He followed the latter part's advice.

**5 minutes later**

"So... you watched any good games lately?"

He cracked one eye open,

"Really McGee?"

His partner shrugged, staring straight ahead rather than look at him.

"You vetoed the first topic of conversation."

"Like that was any less awkward."

"Why does it have to be awkward?"

Seeing what he had walked into Tony shook his head,

"We should really give you more interrogation time. You're getting good at that."

"I learned from the best."

"Yeah."

"I was talking about you as well you know... you and Ziva. Not just him."

He shut up.

**5 minutes after that.**

"This is good weather for being out."

His eyes opened again. Glancing to the side. Tim had barely moved.

"Weather? Seriously?"

Shrug,

"Well we could talk about..."

Tim trailed off, leaving it up to him to fill the silence.

He left it empty.

**And 5 minutes after **_**that**_

"So... how do you feel about Gibbs being back?"

He didn't even open his eyes. That was a minefield he was not walking into

**5 minutes after minefield dodged. (or ignored, same thing really)**

"We could order pizza?"

"Sure, I'll let you be the one to tell Gibbs we let some spotty teenager walk over a crime scene."

"I wasn't being serious."

"That's just cruel McGee. Offering a man pizza and then dashing his hopes..."

"But..."

"No buts McGee. It's unacceptable. I might not talk to you for the rest of the night."

He could imagine the eye roll.

"Yeah, because that would be _so_ different to what's happening right now."

He didn't answer.

"See. I can already tell _such _a difference from 3 minutes ago."

If he was talking he would ask when McGee's sarcasm managed to get the exact right tone of mocking. Because it was actually pretty impressive.

**5 minutes later**

"So..."

"If you keep this up I might actually start using it as a way of telling how much time has passed McClockwork."

"You know you should really be taking advantage of me encouraging you to talk."

No reply.

**About 8 minutes after that**

"Doing anything exciting next weekend off?"

"You know I think you did that on purpose to mess up my whole time keeping scheme."

"Yes, whatever will you do with no way to tell the time other than the pricey metal contraption on your wrist that you purchased for that very purpose?"

"... you know sarcasm really doesn't suit you."

"You just think that because I outsmarted you."

When he stayed silent this time it was not because McGee might possibly be getting too good at this banter thing. Really.

**5 minutes later**

"You know, you could probably make a fortune offering to tell people whatever it was I did to make you be quiet for this length of time."

**And another 5 minutes after that**

"Alright. Desperate times, desperate measures..."

Tony quirked one eyebrow curiously, before snapping his eyes open and sitting up at McGee's next words.

"How's the secret assignment for the director going?"

He whipped his head towards him,

"What?"

Tim just grinned,

"Oh thank god, I was running out of ideas."

Tony frowned,

"Stop messing with me McGee, what are you on about?"

To his surprise Tim rolled his eyes,

"Come on Tony. I was your senior field agent for months."

Tony closed his eyes,

"So there's no point in me denying it if you're so convinced you're right is there?"

"None whatsoever, because I know I'm right."

Tony looked at him again challengingly,

"Yeah? How?"

He watched as Tim looked him right in the eyes,

"I know you."

He looked away and snorted. Still slightly panicked that McGee had figured it out. Was he supposed to tell director Shepard? Who else knew?

"Does Gibbs know?"

Tim shrugged,

"Maybe... I didn't tell him. But who knows what Gibbs knows... or how he knows it."

Tony nodded in agreement, thoughtfully.

"How long have you known?"

"Weeks... way before Gibbs came back."

"Oh...wait what?"

Tony looked at McGee in shock,

"How?"

"I told you Tony, trained by the best."

Tony nodded absent mindedly as he thought about what this meant... and about why Tim hadn't said something before now... or why he had chosen now to bring it up.

"So, hypothetically if you were right..."

Tim looked him right in the eyes as he replied.

"I wouldn't say anything. Not to anyone."

"Not even..."

He trailed off not knowing if he was just about to say Gibbs or the rest of the team. Whether he was actually questioning who Tim was more loyal to.

Was that fair?

"I wouldn't say anything to Gibbs Tony... or to any of the others."

Tony looked at him again, puzzled.

"If you're not gonna say anything, then why tell me you know? Why not just keep... not telling me?"

"Because..."

Tim trailed off and didn't finish. Tony peered at him curiously, before deciding to resort to humour,

"Well now that you've thoroughly explained your reasoning..."

Tim sighed, and Tony waited for him to continue.

"From what I've managed to figure out on your... hypothetical, secret project, you go off on your own... a lot. No backup standing by, nothing."

"So..."

Tim turned to face him again, looking him dead in the eye,

"So what I'm saying is hypothetically, if you were going off on your own into a potentially dangerous situation... I'd want you to know that you could call me."

Tony was stunned,

"McGee..."

Tim waved to him to be quiet for a second so he could finish.

"I just... if things in this hypothetical project were to go downhill, and you couldn't call whoever you've been told to... I won't need an explanation. You call, I'll come."

"Hypothetically."

Tony added quietly, trying to joke. Tim shook his head.

"We won't mention it after tonight, but if you ring, tell me you're in trouble and where I need to be, I'll be there. I won't ask questions, won't insist you tell me what's going on... hell if you need me to I'll walk out on Gibbs."

Tony gaped at him open mouthed,

"Tim...that's... that's not..."

McGee looked angry when he looked at him this time,

"Don't you dare say it's not necessary DiNozzo. _I know you_. If you just needed help with something quick and didn't want Gibbs to find out before the project was over, you wouldn't call. I'm telling you that wouldn't be an issue. I would turn up, help, and keep quiet until you said otherwise."

Tony looked at him a moment, reading the sincerity in his eyes before McGee broke it by taking a leaf out of Tony's book and turning to jokes and a big grin.

"This only counts for serious business mind you. Call me for something like needing pizza or fixing tv, and you... or should I say your computer will regret it."

Trying to match the more light-hearted mood, Tony looked at him in mock horror,

"No McGee, you wouldn't!"

"Try me."

"Okay I give!"

Tim rolled his eyes, before looking serious again,

"Just... tell me please?"

He sighed and closed his eyes again.

"It's nothing McGee."

There was a snort,

"Yeah, right."

Tony sat up and looked at him, seeing the genuine desperation to know what he'd done wrong. On some level that hurt even more, had Tim thought he knew how he felt all along?

"Okay fine..." he relented and McGee seemed to simultaneously relax and tense at the possibility of getting an answer.

"Do you really think I don't deserve my own team?"

Tim frowned at him in confusion for a moment, before his expression cleared,

"Oh... _Oh_... Tony..."

"Never mind, forget I asked." Tony interrupted quickly, deciding it would probably be a good idea to lay back down and close his eyes. He was surprised when McGee started speaking quietly.

"You're talking about that day in the bullpen right?"

He stilled his progress towards the ground, and looked to see his partner studying him intently. He nodded,

"Yeah... well you made your position pretty clear."

Tim closed his eyes and shook his head, before looking at him again.

"I didn't mean it like that Tony I was... mad, upset... I'd just had a phone call with a friend and... you asked me at the wrong time."

Tony raised an eyebrow, forcing that small bit of hope that was currently yelling 'told you so!', and keeping his face otherwise neutral.

"So, how did you mean it? Not thinking I rate my own team is pretty definitive."

"I wasn't talking about me! I never actually said the words_ I_ didn't think you rated it!"

It was his turn to frown in confusion now,

"What?"

Tim sighed running a hand through his hair,

"I... I meant that if people, as in _not me, _thought you deserved a team you wouldn't be there."

Tony thought considering it.

"Oh... so..."

Seeming to realise what he was getting at Tim offered him a smile,

"So I don't think you did a bad job Tony, alright? In fact..."

Tim trailed off and looked away, but Tony couldn't let this one go,

"In fact what?"

Tim sighed,

"In fact I think you were really good at it."

"Oh... thanks McGee."

There was silence for a couple of minutes, both of them just sitting side by side. Then Tony thought of something.

"So, what was the phone call that upset you?"

Tim turned to look at him, as if considering,

"Nothing, don't worry about it."

Tony groaned,

"Oh come on, don't start that again!"

"Hey! Last time it was you!"

He waved his hand as if to bat the idea away,

"Details!... seriously McGee, give me details!"

"Tony, just... leave it alright. It doesn't matter."

He frowned but nodded in agreement as McGee was starting to look uncomfortable and unsure about the conversation,

"Okay fine. So... seen any good games lately?"

Tim turned to him and he grinned, they both burst out laughing.

This was better.


	10. The Sister

**Slightly later than I'd planned but here it is! This one's based a few hours after the end of Twisted Sister :) Enjoy, and thank you to everyone who has reviewed! I've tried to reply to most of them but also wanted to thank those who I may have missed or who reviewed as guests!**

* * *

"You sure you're going to be alright?" He couldn't help checking again. It was his _baby sister_. And _his baby sister_ had almost...

_Don't think about it. It'll drive you crazy._

"I'll be fine Tim. Really."

She sounded sure. Still slightly shaken maybe, but that was expected. Still...

"You could always come and stay with me for a few days? I'll talk to the school; get them to excuse you from classes. I can take time off. It's..."

"Tim, I said I'll be fine! I'll call you if I need you."

He looked into her eyes, still stood just inside the door, reluctant to go. She rolled her eyes at him.

"Go! Ring Tommy and go out for a drink or something!"

He smiled even as he shook his head.

"It's _Tony_. And I don't think I'm his favourite person right now."

Her face seemed to fall minutely but she shrugged,

"He hasn't read it yet, maybe he'll change his mind."

"You don't know Tony."

She raised an eyebrow at him, the smile back,

"I read the book. From what I know of Tommy, he'll forgive you."

"Tommy maybe, Tony..."

She rolled her eyes at him,

"Tim, they're almost exactly alike!"

He gave a non-committal grunt, and shrugged.

"Call him!"

"Yeah... maybe... You're sure-"

"I'll be ok! And I promised I'd call if I needed to didn't I?"

"Call anyway." He insisted. "Even if you don't need to. Once a day_, at least_, from now on."

"Tim, I call you almost every day anyway!" She sounded exasperated, but he wasn't going to let this drop. She was his responsibility, his to take care of... and he had almost failed. That couldn't happen again.

"I just... I just need to know you're safe, alright?"

She stopped protesting and looked in his eyes for a moment, before nodding.

"Okay... Okay. Once a day."

He nodded, while something else occurred to him. He dug around in his pockets and pulled out a new phone, handing it over.

"Yours is still in evidence." He explained, "I transferred over all the contacts and photos."

She moved forward and hugged him, phone clasped in her hand, as her arms came around his neck.

"Thanks Tim."

He smiled at her as she backed off,

"What are big brothers for... but if you break it you're paying for a new one." He warned.

She nodded at him, and he continued,

"I've added a couple of extra contacts on there as well... just in case you can't get a hold of me."

"Who?" She looked at him questioningly, glancing down at the phone.

"You've got the main NCIS switchboard, Jim Nelson's mobile,..." He trailed off and she raised an eyebrow at him, knowing him too well.

"Who else?"

He sighed,

"And Tony's mobile. They're only for emergencies. Ok?"

She nodded, grinning,

"Of course."

"I'm serious!" He warned. "Remember who had access to all of your contacts and photos when getting you that phone."

Her smile dropped and she glared at him,

"You wouldn't!"

It was his turn to grin,

"I guess that's up to you, isn't it _little sis_?"

They looked at each other for a minute before laughing,

"Okay, I got it." She conceded, "Emergencies only."

"Alright then... well"

He was still reluctant to leave, and she rolled her eyes at him once more.

"Seriously Tim, I'll be fine. Get out of here!"

He pulled her into another hug, holding on tightly.

"Promise me you'll be careful?"

He felt her nod against his chest, and heard the muffled,

"Promise."

He smiled,

"And no more drinking!"

She pulled away and frowned at him,

"Come on Tim I'm a big girl!"

"You're also not legally old enough to drink. Plus you don't handle it well Sarah... I just don't want you getting hurt. If anything happened..."

He imagined all the crime scenes he'd been at, the victim's faces flashing through his mind being replaced by Sarah's. He shuddered, and felt vaguely ill. Blinking, he saw she was studying him, and he was about to say something else when she nodded.

"Alright... I promise."

He grinned and pulled her into another hug,

"Thank you." He kissed the top of her head before pulling away.

"Go on, get out of here." She smiled at him, and playfully shoved him towards the door.

"Alright! I'm going... remember to call me."

"Every day, I _know_!"

He smiled and shook his head as the door shut behind him. He took one last look at it before making his way out of the dorms and back towards his car.

The rest of the team had already left a while ago; he had stayed behind to be with Sarah.

He debated what to do as he walked. Whether he should head back into NCIS and write a report on what happened, or just go home and sleep, putting it all off until tomorrow.

He was startled out of his thoughts when his phone started ringing. He pulled it out and grinned when he saw the caller I.D.

"McGee."

"_This is me just letting you know you've been gone for two minutes, and I'm surprisingly still fine."_

He grinned and shook his head,

"Good to know."

He unlocked the car and opened the door as she continued talking,

"_So are you going to take my advice?"_

He slid into the car, and shut the door behind him. Not starting the engine just yet.

"What advice?"

"_Call Tommy, or Lisa! Go out for a drink or something."_

"Actually... I think I'm heading into the office, write up what happened."

There was a pause on the other end of the line,

"_Face the music?"_

He heard the regret in her tone and rushed to reassure her.

"It won't be anything too bad. Gibbs is on my side, I'm sure he's already taken care of most of it."

"_You promise?"_

"You met Gibbs right?"

He smiled as he heard the small laugh from the other end.

"_Ok then... as long as you're sure."_

"I'm sure, talk to you later?"

"_Love you Tim."_

He grinned fondly,

"Love you too."

He hung up and put his phone away. He only hesitated a moment before starting the car and pulling away.

He took a deep breath before stepping off of the elevator. Glancing around he saw the squad room was relatively empty and gave a small sigh of relief, making a beeline for his desk. Sitting down he started up his computer, putting his head in his hands as he waited.

"Sarah Okay McGee?"

Startled he looked up and nodded at Gibbs, who had somehow appeared standing in front of his desk.

"Yeah... Yeah, she's fine Boss."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow at him, obviously picking up on the uncertainty in his answer. He sighed and leaned back in his chair.

"She says she's fine," he gave a small smile, "Practically shoved me out the door. I offered to call her teachers, get her excused from classes, let her stay with me while I took some time off but..."

He trailed off and shrugged, trying to make the worry at least slightly less obvious. Judging by Gibbs' face he wasn't doing a very good job.

There was silence for a moment and he found himself glancing across to Gibbs' desk, where he could see the copy of Deep Six sitting. He wondered if Gibbs had actually read it, all of it. And what he had thought.

Looking back at the man in question, all he saw was a vaguely neutral expression, and he couldn't tell what he was thinking. Suddenly Gibbs began talking again,

"Director wants you up in her office McGee."

He nodded, wondering what she would have to say, and stood, moving out from behind his desk. He started walking when Gibbs' voice stopped him and he turned back to listen.

"She gives you any hassle, and you call me, understood?"

He nodded,

"Sure thing Boss."

Turning back around he made his way towards the stairs, wondering how long he would have to be in there for before Gibbs' curiosity, or need to protect his team would cause him to burst through the door.

Before he even realised he was outside of the Director's office, being offered a small smile by her assistant as he was waved straight through.

As the door clicked shut behind him, the director looked up from whatever she had been reading, and motioned to the chair opposite her.

"Sit Agent McGee."

Nodding, he moved forward and sat down where she indicated, waiting for her lead. She studied him closely for a moment before she shook her head.

"Have you got anything to say Agent McGee?"

He shook his head, wondering what she was looking for here.

"No ma'am."

She nodded as if that was what she had expected.

"It is my job to protect this Agency McGee."

"I understand that Ma'am."

She nodded to him, and he still couldn't tell what it was she was looking for here.

"Continue, Agent McGee. Say what it is you're thinking."

He wondered if he should. If it was worth it. Then he remembered his sister crying in his arms. Talking to Gibbs in that elevator. Him quitting his job. He could do this.

"Permission to speak freely Ma'am?"

She nodded to him again, remaining silent and face neutral.

"I love working for NCIS, I love what I do, and I believe in it. But if my sister were to need me like that again, I can't promise that you wouldn't have another day like today."

She offered him a smile, and he felt himself relax slightly,

"At least you didn't walk into any burning buildings."

Momentarily confused he frowned, before his expression cleared with understanding as he remembered that conversation all those months ago. She smiled at him again, shaking her head slightly.

"There will be no repercussions from your actions today Agent McGee. If I had a problem with your loyalty to people rather than the agency I would have reassigned you the day you vowed to take on flames for DiNozzo, or made it clear you would have questioned my decision had I not appointed him."

He raised an eyebrow minutely, sensing a 'but 'coming. She nodded once more,

"There will be conditions however. If a situation involving your sister that may impact the agency in any way occurs again, you are to make at least one member of agency personnel aware of the situation. "

He tried to suppress a smile as he answered,

"I think that is extremely fair Ma'am. And I'm sure it's fully doable."

She laughed then, the seriousness of the meeting seeming to melt away in an instant.

"Very well Agent McGee, you are dismissed. To be honest I had expected compa..."

She trailed off wiping the smile from her face as the doors burst open. Turning in his seat, he had to force down a laugh as Gibbs strode in through the doors, shutting them behind him.

"Agent Gibbs. I was just talking about you."

Seeming to ignore her he looked at McGee,

"You alright."

He nodded in answer,

"Fine Boss... we were just finishing." He looked to the Director for confirmation and she nodded. Standing and turning, he saw Gibbs looking between the two of them, obviously trying to judge what he had missed. He didn't think either of their carefully impassive faces were giving much away.

"Good bye Agent McGee."

He nodded in acknowledgement,

"Ma'am." He moved towards the door, Gibbs doing the same and he followed him out of the door.

He nodded to Cynthia as he passed and she gave him a small smile again. Gibbs was silent until they boarded the elevator, and Tim was hardly surprised when he reached forward and flipped the emergency switch after they had just begun moving.

"Everything alright McGee?"

Gibbs was studying him closely, obviously looking for any sign that he needed to go and sort things out. He offered a small smile,

"Everything's fine Boss."

He resisted the urge to fidget under the intense gaze Gibbs fixed him with, and barely managed not to sigh in relief as he gave a short nod and switched the elevator back on, apparently satisfied with what he saw.

They made the rest of the journey in silence. Once they were back to the squadroom, McGee made a beeline for his desk once more, sitting down and preparing to settle in to write his report.

"Go home McGee."

He looked up to see Gibbs standing in front of his desk once more. He shook his head,

"It's fine Boss, I can get this done..."

"That's an order McGee. The report can wait 'til tomorrow"

Realising he wasn't going to win this argument he reached to switch off his computer, before rolling his chair back slightly and standing up. Grabbing his bag from beside his desk he straightened up and nodded towards Gibbs, who had moved behind his own desk.

"Night Boss."

Not waiting for a reply he moved out of the bullpen and made his way over to the elevator. As he turned round and the doors closed, he thought he saw Gibbs pick up the book that was going to cause him so many problems in the near future and begin reading a page towards the end.

The doors closed fully and he shook his head, trying to suppress a groan as he wondered about what was going to be the fallout from this.


	11. Guy's movie day

**Hello people! And Merry Christmas! Sorry this was such a long time in coming. But I've been kind of busy. **

**This one is set during and after the episode Dead man walking, hope you enjoy. Thank you for the patience and continued support from everyone.**

* * *

He sighed in frustration as he sat down on the chair. All alone in a small room. He refused to draw parallels to that time when Tony and Kate had been in isolation. He just couldn't. He also refused to think about the fact that Abby was right now performing tests that could decide if he lived or died.

He knew that wasn't logical. The tests had no effect on the outcome really; they just told him what it was going to be.

He also knew that it wasn't really logical to be worried. The chances that he would be affected in such a second-hand way were minimal. He knew that this was just the protocol. Just a precaution.

But still, he worried.

He worried about money. He wondered if Sarah would have enough to get her through college if something happened to him. He worried about who would look after her if he was no longer around to do it.

He tried to consider the practical aspects. If it was bad news, he would still have time. Maybe a long time... depending on the level of damage. There would be plenty of opportunities to say goodbye to Sarah, to ensure that she was set up for college and had money to fall back on while looking for a job after she graduated.

There would be time to say goodbye to the team. To hopefully earn their forgiveness for the book incident, and to make sure that they would act as a surrogate family for Sarah if the need arose.

He knew he could count on them to take care of things like that.

He stood up again and began pacing. He had obviously thought things like this through before; it was almost unavoidable with this profession. But now he was being forced to seriously look at the choices and arrangements he had made. Wondering if they were the right decisions.

And inevitably he wound up thinking about his medical arrangements.

He paused in his pacing and frowned as he thought back. Sitting back down on the chair as he examined his memories, before coming to the conclusion he had suspected.

He'd never changed the medical proxy papers back after Gibbs returned. It wasn't that he'd made a conscious decision not to do it at any point; it had just completely slipped his mind.

But didn't that, in itself, say something? After Gibbs had left, yes it had taken a while for things like that to work their way onto his to do list, but they had been there. Did it actually mean something that he hadn't thought of it?

_Medical proxy: Anthony DiNozzo, NCIS Special Agent._

Did he really want that to change?

No.

He was surprised by the quickness, and firmness of his mental reply. He trusted Tony to make the decisions for him, even if Gibbs was there. He spent more time with Tony... even if that had stopped slightly after the whole book incident.

But still. He trusted the man to have his back despite arguments like that, and he knew in any situation where his life was so at risk that Tony was making decisions for him, that fact that he had written a book and published it without letting Tony know wouldn't even register as important in the decision making process.

DiNozzo could hold a grudge, but he wasn't as shallow or petty as people originally thought. Plus he was a damn good partner.

So, no, Tim would not be asking for the forms to change his arrangements any time soon. And he felt confident that if he needed Tony to make a choice for him, the man would make the right one.

He still felt better when he found out that wouldn't be put to the test immediately.

* * *

"_Hey McGee... you fancy coming over?"_

The team had been given the day off, time to rest and recuperate after the radiation case. He knew Ziva was off somewhere doing some thinking and mourning for the man she could have known. They had all offered her comfort and support in various ways, but had got the feeling that she wanted some time on her own now to process.

He himself had been planning on maybe going out for a run, doing some odd errands he normally didn't have the time for, and possibly calling his sister to ask if she wanted to go out for coffee or something later.

Tony's phone call had surprised him, so much that he remained silent for a couple of moments after the other man's initial greeting.

"_Hello, you still there McSpeechless?"_

Shaking his head, his lips quirked slightly at the nickname. He'd never admit it to Tony but he'd actually become quite fond of the man's tendency to do it.

"Yeah Tony I'm here. Why?"

"_Well because McGee I didn't want to waste my day off talking to myself if you'd just answered the call and walked off."_

Tony's voice was deliberately slow, as if explaining something to a child, and the heavy sarcasm was clear. Tim rolled his eyes, and grinned, even as he tried to sound frustrated and annoyed over the phone.

"I meant why should I waste my day off coming round to see you?"

The easy laugh from the other end told him Tony hadn't been fooled at all.

"_Nice try McPartner, but secretly you're really looking forward to this, don't deny it! But if you need incentive, I have just made the purchase of a lifetime. Box set of classic movies... guys movie night!... or day... whatever. Just bring beer and pizza."_

He wouldn't tell Tony this but... that actually sounded good. Really good. They hadn't really been spending a lot of time together recently... well since they had found out about Sarah and the book and everything.

"Ah, I see... you just want me to bring you food."

"_Well that is a bonus ..."_

He laughed and shook his head, moving into the bedroom to fetch a jacket.

"Okay DiNozzo, I'll be over soon. The usual?"

"_McGee I'm offended you even asked!"_

He rolled his eyes as he hung up the phone, shrugging into his jacket and grabbing his wallet, phone and keys off of the side.

* * *

He managed to get to Tony's less than an hour later, finding himself trying to balance the food and drink in his arms at the same time as knocking on the door. Eventually he managed it, and waited patiently for the door to be answered, rearranging his purchases as he did so that they were less precariously balanced.

When Tony opened the door it was with a wide grin on his face, before he stepped back and waved for McGee to come in.

"McGee, you brought me food!"

Placing everything on the side, Tim turned to face Tony with one eyebrow raised,

"You told me to."

"But still, you shouldn't have!"

Tim laughed at him, having missed having this kind of interaction regularly outside of work.

"Would you have let me in the door without it?"

He had meant the tone to be teasing but Tony's face seemed to darken slightly, as if Tim had accused him of something. It cleared up within a moment though, and the familiar grin was back, if not in full force.

"Of course I would have! Can't have my Probie sitting around at home all on his own can we?"

McGee rolled his eyes and was about to respond when he felt his phone begin to vibrate in his pocket. Smiling apologetically at Tony he dug it out and held it up to his ear to answer, not glancing at the caller i.d.

"McGee."

He saw Tony pick up the pizza boxes and move further into the apartment, but was soon distracted by the voice in his ear.

"_This is me calling for my daily check in. You know I'm starting to think this is a little paranoid... either that or I'm some criminal you're checking hasn't broken parole or something."_

He sighed, this had become a daily complaint recently, but he hadn't backed down. Bringing a hand up to pinch his nose he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"It's nice to talk to you too Sarah. I'm really enjoying my day off thanks."

There was silence for a moment before she answered, sounding slightly repentant,

"_So... you have a day off? Hard case yesterday?"_

"Yeah, sort of... it took a lot out of everybody."

He thought it best not to mention that there had been a period of time when they had thought he had radiation poisoning. She didn't need to know about all of the times his life had been on the line.

"_You sounded stressed when I called you yesterday... sorry if I you know... made it worse... but Tim really? It's been weeks!"_

"I know how long it's been Sarah, and I also know that I'm not backing down anytime soon. Trust me this is for your own good."

"_Tim, don't get me wrong, I love living this close to you, I love that we still talk so much, but I want it to be like, _'oh it would be nice to talk to Tim, maybe I'll call him'_, not '_oh, it's time to call Tim'_."_

He took a deep breath,

"I'd like it to be like that too, but for now we're sticking with this. You call me every day... It's just so I know you're alright. Please."

He heard the sigh over the phone and allowed himself a small smile that she was giving in.

"_Fine. Fine... so what're you up to on your day off?"_

"I think Tony called it a guy's movie day."

"_You made up with Tommy?"_

"I'm hanging up on you now."

"_You know you love me!"_

He grinned and shook his head.

"Course I do... talk to you later."

"_Love you too big bro."_

"I mean it Sarah. Call me."

"_Every day, I know, I know."_

He shook his head as he hung up the phone, turning around to look for Tony, only to find him watching him from his position leaning on the doorway.

"So... Big brother McGee in action? Interesting."

"It's nothing Tony, don't worry about it."

His partner frowned and looked him right in the eye, and he knew he wasn't going to be let off that easily.

"She's doing alright though? After... you know..."

Tim shrugged looking away,

"Yeah... yeah she's doing ok."

He started at the hand on his shoulder and looked up at Tony, who was staring at him intently,

"McGee?"

He sighed,

"She's fine now. At first... there were a couple of nights where she called me in a panic after nightmares and everything... and she stayed over a few more days than she would usually have."

He offered Tony a smile though, trying to look reassuring and fine,

"But she's doing better. The nightmares seem to have dropped off and now she's mostly annoyed at me really."

Tony scoffed and shook his head,

"No she's not."

Tim frowned at him and Tony relented, rolling his eyes,

"Okay, maybe she's slightly annoyed, but she's still doing it isn't she? I mean you've told her to call you every day, and she is, if she was only annoyed she would have stopped."

Tim had to admit he had a point. Sarah was quite possibly one of the most stubborn people on the planet, and if she didn't want to call him, she wouldn't.

"Point taken... Thanks Tony."

The other man shrugged and moved into the apartment once more, this time Tim followed behind,

"Not a problem McGee... so movies?"

Tim nodded,

"Sure... so where are these classics then DiNozzo?"

"Don't sound so apprehensive McSceptic. I'm telling you you'll love it!"

Tim settled down into the couch, and grinned as Tony flopped down beside him, already giving him a rundown of where and when the movie had been filmed and who had produced it, and what else they'd been involved in. Normally by now he would have given Tony a playful shove, or threatened to leave if the movie wasn't put on soon... but it was just so good to be back into this routine that he gave it a moment.

Glancing around he had a small moment of shock and gave a small smile as he saw a book, looking as if it had been hastily shoved behind something else. He took in the familiar cover and internally breathed a sigh of relief. It looked like Tony had read the book, and forgiven him after all.

"And then, four years after that, he produced this other film..."

Tim grinned as he gave Tony a playful shove,

"Play the movie DiNozzo, or I'll take my pizza and go."

"Fine McSpoilsport."

Definitely back to normal.


	12. Grief and Guilt

**Hello guys! I have to confess this is one of those chapters that I wrote the story for and so it's been bouncing around in my head for a while. I actually wrote a lot more than I thought I would so this may come in two or three parts.**

**It explores the aftermath of Grace Period for Tony and McGee, something I've always wondered about. Any way hope you enjoy, and thank you for all the reviews and PM's, especially to people I can't reply to.**

* * *

Despite what everyone thought, he didn't always go and play games after a case. He couldn't. It helped a lot of the time, to let himself be part of a different world for a few hours. But the rest of the time? The rest of the time the idea of picking up a weapon, even a virtual one, was anything but therapeutic.

That was usually the time that he wrote. It helped. It helped to be able to write about a case and not have to be the impartial investigator. To be able to show the emotion as well as the evidence. To remind himself he was human.

Then there were times like these.

He had felt... numb. That was the only way to describe it. He had thought that would mean he could game, maybe force himself to let out the anger he knew must be under there somewhere. But the first kill shot he had fired, the blood spurting onto the screen had made him want to hurl. He had quickly shut of the computer after that.

He had tried writing. He had sat down in front of the typewriter and stared at the blank sheet of paper, but the words wouldn't come.

That's how he found himself by his front door, dressed in shorts a loose fitting t-shirt and sweatshirt. He grabbed his keys off of the side along with his phone. He walked over to his safe and got out his gun, checking it out of habit before strapping it to his waist under his sweatshirt, hoping to keep it hidden. He put his ID and badge in his pocket in case he needed them before heading out the door.

He set off at a slow pace. The weather was dreary and dark and in some corner of his mind wondered if it was possible for it to respond to his mood. The rest of him was still blank.

He ran harder.

He wanted the numbness gone. He needed to be able to let out everything that it was blocking. He couldn't let his team down tomorrow because he was distracted. He had managed to keep it together as they wrapped up the case. And now... now he was close to breaking.

The numbness had helped earlier. When he had to be an agent writing a report. When it all had to be by the book, and he couldn't be seen to be biased.

Now it was suffocating.

He wanted it gone. He wanted to be able to feel the compassion and the anger that he knew should be there. The grief.

Jim Nelson deserved to be grieved. As did Paula Cassidy. And Jim's partner, Rick.

And he couldn't do it.

What kind of friend did that make him?

Jim's face flashed in his mind, and then the image switched. Jim's wife, smiling to see him as he came in through the door; greeting the old friend of her husband's.

His heart panged.

Her face falling as she saw the start of tears in his eyes, the defeated and yet determined set of his shoulders. She had shaken her head trying to deny the truth and he had tried to tell her but the words got strangled in his throat.

He felt the numbness slipping. That was good.

He ran harder.

He tried to collect himself and tell her what happened. He had insisted on doing it, asked the director to let him. Paula would have but... and besides, he owed Jim this, this and so much more. He only got halfway through before the tears leaked over and he had to stop. Brokenly only managing to say the words that had haunted him,

"_It should have been me."_

He felt the grief and the guilt rise up again. He pushed himself harder. On some level he was aware he had left his route behind, should have turned back by now, but he kept pushing.

How she had wrapped her arms around him as he apologised and told her it should have been his team on call. It should have been him in the morgue. She had slapped him then.

The pain in his heart became almost overwhelming and he upped the pace again. It was almost brutal. He felt pain shoot up his legs every time they came into contact with the pavement.

He thought of Tony's face after Paula had died. She shouldn't have been gone.

None of them should.

"_It should have been me."_

He kept pushing.

The rain started falling then. Rivulets of cold water running down his skin, mixing with the sweat and tears he hadn't even noticed.

He wasn't numb any more. He felt like the grief was threatening to swallow him.

That was good. Jim Nelson deserved to be grieved.

He kept running.

He felt his chest tightening. He couldn't tell if it was because of the emotions or his body telling him he'd run enough. He thought it might be both.

He knew he shouldn't be doing this, that it wasn't healthy. He knew that, but he didn't know what else to do.

He couldn't sit around at home.

He'd thought about calling Tony, he usually went round when he needed it, pizza, beer and a movie. It had become routine. Tony never turned him away and they never talked about it after. It worked. It helped him.

The beer was no longer cold and the pizza was no longer warm. Probably. They were sitting in the back of his car where he'd placed them after buying. Only to realise Tony would probably need someone else right now, not him. Tony had lost Paula. Had to watch her sacrifice herself. He didn't need Tim's grief on top of his own.

He didn't know who else to call, so he ran.

The rain was heavier now. He could feel it soaking through making his clothes cling to his skin. His chest kept on tightening and his leg muscles screamed. He kept going.

* * *

It took him a moment to notice his cell was ringing. Looking up he found himself in an unfamiliar neighbourhood. He ducked under the shelter of a nearby store and pulled his cell out of his pocket, distantly glad he had it in a waterproof case. It seemed like such a small issue.

"McGee." He realised how breathless and hoarse his voice sounded at the pause on the other end.

"Age...Tim, how are you?" He almost laughed at the real answer, but pulled himself together, this was the director.

"Fine Ma'am, is there a problem?" He could tell she didn't believe him, but she continued.

"No problem Tim. I just wanted to thank you for speaking to Mrs Nelson earlier. I rang to offer my condolences and she said to say she was glad she heard it in person rather than over the phone, and from you rather than someone else."

He felt a lump in his throat but continued around it, feeling the water still running down his face.

"It was the least I could do Ma'am. He was...he was a good friend."

"Then I'm sorry for your loss as well Tim." He heard the sincerity in her voice, and was grateful for it. He didn't think he could take empty words like that right now.

"Thank you Ma'am."

He hung up the phone after that, not sure he could take anymore. He looked at the rain pouring down and at the phone in his hand. He felt his body begin to shudder with chills and knew he should call someone to come and get him.

But he couldn't.

Because on some level, he was glad it hadn't been his team. That Tony, Ziva and Gibbs were all alive and well, that the director hadn't been offering condolences for their deaths. And he hated himself for that.

So he put his phone back in its case, back into his pocket, stepped out into the rain. And he kept running.

* * *

He didn't know how long it was before his phone rang again. He looked up to see if there was anywhere to shelter that he could take the call. Looking around the park he had somehow ended up in, his only option seemed to be a tree with thick overhanging branches. He made his way under it, only slightly aware of how his legs almost gave out from under him.

Pulling his phone out once more he answered just before it would have gone to voicemail.

"McGee."

"McGee, the director just called."

"We got a case Boss?" There was a slight wheeze to his breathing but he ignored it. His heart sank as he wondered if it was another call out. He didn't want to admit to Gibbs there was probably no way he was getting there anytime soon. He had no clue where he was or how far he had ran.

"Nah McGee, we're taking the next couple of days off."

Hoping Gibbs didn't hear his sigh of relief he nodded and answered,

"Sure Boss."

There was a pause on the other end of the line and he winced at how raw and..._wrong_ his voice had sounded. Gibbs probably wouldn't let that go.

"You alright McGee?"

"Yeah Boss..."

"Remember, door's always open." He felt his chest tighten even more, which didn't make sense. This was an offer Gibbs had made countless times before; it shouldn't affect him like this.

"McGee?"

"Yeah... Yeah I'll remember Boss...Thanks."

There was a pause on the other end as if Gibbs was about to say something else, or more likely was waiting for him to. He wanted to, on some level, but he was also aware that Gibbs had lost people today too. They all had. They didn't need to deal with his breakdown too.

The line went dead.

He looked at the phone for a moment before putting it back in its case and into his pocket. He stared at the rain cascading down outside his natural shelter. He felt the shivers coursing through his body, legs shaking from the cold and exertion.

He took an experimental step.

Time seemed to slow as his view distorted around him and he became light headed. Turning around he braced himself against the tree with shaking arms as he vomited.

Spitting and shaking as he finished he moved away slightly before allowing his legs to give out, falling to the ground. Energy spent.

He shuffled so his back was to the tree and he brought his legs up close to his chest. He needed to call... someone. He knew that. He needed help.

He pulled out his phone once more and stared at it. As if it would provide the answer.

It rang.

He stared at it in shock, wondering if it was his imagination. He blinked and looked down, trying to read the caller I.D through his distorted vision.

* * *

_One hour earlier:_

Tony stood next to his car not sure what to do. He had spent the last few hours with Jeanne, holding her close, listening as her heart thumped reassuringly in her chest.

_Alive._

Now she was gone. Late shift at the hospital.

Sighing he got in his car and just drove, not really paying attention to where he was headed.

He almost laughed when he found himself at the entrance to the navy yard. Almost.

He sat behind the wheel debating what to do for a minute, before unplugging his belt and stepping out of the car.

The sound as it slammed shut echoed through the parking garage, and he looked around at the emptiness that surrounded him. The few cars from the agents on call and those dealing with overseas affairs.

He distantly wondered if any of the cars belonged to those they had lost. Whether they were just sitting there, prepared for owners that would never come.

He shuddered at the thought.

He felt the harsh concrete up against his face again, heard the crackling roar of the fire. The orange glow visible through the small gap.

Shaking his head to clear it, he walked purposely towards the elevators, heading up to the squad room.

Being sat at his desk wasn't much better. It was dark and he was alone. Looking around him he thought about all that had happened. He remembered how just a few hours ago Paula had been standing _right there_.

He felt a pang in his chest at the thought, and searched desperately across his desk for something to do. Anything.

Picking up the first folder he came across he flipped it open. And froze.

It was McGee's report of the case. His recount of the events of the past couple of days.

He would have to write one of these.

Shuddering he slammed the folder closed and pushed it away. Placing his elbows on his desk he put his head in his hands and breathed deeply.

He couldn't help replaying the last couple of days over in his head.

He felt like he was missing something.

Something that should be obvious. Right there in front of him. Looking down at the folder he dragged it towards him, flipping it open again. There was something off. Frowning he forced himself to look at the report, something in his head insisting that it was important.

He'd seen reports from McGee countless times over the last few months, especially while it was him that had to sign off on them. But this one... this one was different somehow.

It felt thinner, lighter than usual, and when he scanned it he understood why. Tim had written the bare minimum.

And that was not normal.

Frowning he thought back over the case... and then it hit him.

He had been so busy, so distracted by Paula and what she was going through, by the loss of two fellow agents, that he hadn't seen what Tim was going through.

He berated himself as it all came back to him.

Tim crouched in front of the body. Seeming unable to look away. Ducky's gentle question and Gibbs' harshly given revelation. The look of utter horror, guilt and devastation on Tim's face as those words registered. Quickly masked as he worked hard to find out who would do this and why.

Tim vanishing, in the middle of a case, wandered off somewhere. Coming back in looking distant, distracted after Gibbs had gone down to see Abby.

... Tim wandering into the director's office after Paula died. Leaving a few minutes later looking determined as he walked out of the building.

Thinking back over it he realised where he had heard the name Jim before, and cursed himself for not putting the pieces together.

* * *

_Tony looked up as he heard McGee's footsteps stop just in front of his desk. He was just in time to see Tim hold out a form to him. Groaning he reached out to take it,_

"_Not more paperwork McGee, please!"_

_Tim smiled at him slightly,_

"_Not exactly, I just need you to sign my leave requisition."_

_Frowning Tony looked down at the form,_

"_How long do you need off McGee?"_

"_Just the day. It's a Saturday a few weeks from now."_

_Raising an eyebrow Tony looked back up at him again,_

"_So McSocial life... care to share?"_

_Tim shrugged,_

"_A friend of mine's getting married, asked me to be a groomsman; I just want to make sure I can make it."_

_Nodding Tony looked back down at the form, and pulled out a pen, quickly signing his name on the line._

"_Fair enough... Anyone I know?"_

"_Maybe, he's an Agent too; we went to FLETC together, Jim Nelson. He's on the Pentagon team."_

_Tony handed the form back over, and smiled slightly,_

"_Oh... Agent Cassidy's team right?"_

_Tim nodded, "That's the one."_

_Tony shook his head, _

"_Nah, don't think I've ever met him."_

"_Maybe I'll introduce you one day?" _

* * *

Tony sighed as he recalled the conversation. He'd never gotten around to meeting the other man, and had forgotten all about Tim's offer to introduce them until just now.

The guy had asked Tim to be a groomsman. They were obviously close.

He had meant to say something, he _had_, but then the whole situation had become a whole lot more complicated and the thought had been pushed away.

God, Tim had lost one of his best friends. Had investigated his death knowing that he should have been there instead.

How could that have slipped his mind? Slipped from all of their minds?

He jumped slightly as his phone rang in his pocket, before reaching to pull it out. Seeing the caller ID on the screen he quickly flipped it open,

"Hey Boss, what's up?"

"_Director called, we're taking the next couple of days off."_

He nodded thinking it made sense,

"Sure thing Boss, uh, you want me to let McGee know?"

He added on the last bit as his friend came to the forefront of his mind again. He was going to be calling Tim anyway, check he was alright.

"_Already called him and Ziva."_

"Alright Boss... uhh" He trailed off not sure whether he should ask.

"_You okay DiNozzo?"_

"Yeah fine... okay not fine but, never mind... I'll see you later Boss."

"_Doors open."_

"Always Boss, I know."

The line was already dead, and he sighed returning his phone to his pocket. He paused with it still clenched in his grasp inside the jacket, before pulling it back out. Pressing a button and dialling he held his phone up to his ear and waited, wanting to answer the question he had chickened out of asking Gibbs...

_Did McGee sound okay?_

It rang.

_Come on Tim, pick up, please._

It kept ringing.


	13. Grief and Guilt part 2

**Hey guys, long time no see. Sorry about that, but I won't bore you with all the little things that conspired against me updating. Hope you enjoy the chapter, it's the second part following up Grace Period for Tony and McGee.**

* * *

Tim stared at the phone in his hand. He let it ring for a moment more before opening it and bringing it to his ear.

"McGee?"

"_Hey McGee, it's me... you..."_ He was glad Tony had trailed off. Hadn't asked 'you alright' or 'you okay'.

"You need anything Tony?" He registered the scratchy tone of his voice, his throat hoarse from the exercise and the vomiting.

"_No... just... checking on you..."_ He noticed the concern and slight shock in the tone, obviously Tony had noticed how bad he sounded.

"I'm..." he thought about lying. Thought about saying he was fine and letting Tony deal with his own grief.

But Tony had called _him_. Had _wanted_ to talk. And right now... he really wanted to talk to him too.

"_McGee? You still there?"_

"Yeah Tony... I'm still here." He thought about that statement and almost laughed... he wasn't sure where he was.

Oh, right.

"Tony?"

"_Yeah McGee?"_

"Could you... uhh, could you..."

"_I can come over... with a pizza? And beer?"_

Tim smiled slightly; he had been thinking the exact same thing... however long ago it had been.

"Actually, I wanted to ask if you could come and pick me up?"

There was a pause

"_Are you drunk McGee?"_

Tim laughed humourlessly,

"No... the beer I brought is still in the car with the pizza."

"_Where's your car McGee?"_

"At my apartment."

God he was tired.

"_Okay Tim, so where are you?"_

"I don't... I don't know Tony." The last part came out almost as a whisper, but the person on the other end obviously heard. The reply was quick, and the calm tone was forced,

"_Are you hurt Tim? Did you hit your head?"_

"No... No. I ran Tony... I just ran...I needed... I don't know, but I didn't pay attention to where I went and..."

He trailed off.

"_And now you're not sure where you are?"_

There was the fast click of keys on the keyboard and a muffled curse. Tim smiled slightly, aware of what Tony was doing.

"I put a short cut for that on your desktop."

There was a pause and then a short laugh.

"_Thanks... what's around you right now McGee?"_

"I'm in a park... Leaning against a tree."

"_Can you walk to the nearest road?"_

Tim experimented, trying to get his legs to co-operate. He managed to almost stand up, but his legs shook, his vision swam, and his stomach rebelled once more, forcing him to twist sideways and vomit again. He spat and gasped for a bit, before realising a small but increasingly loud voice was coming from his phone.

"_McGee? Tim? Come on answer me!"_

"I'm here Tony... I don't think I can walk to the road." He shuffled so he was pushed back against the tree again.

"_No Problem Tim, I've got a fix on where you are okay? I can be there real soon."_

"Thanks Tony."

"_No problem McPartner. Just... hang on alright?"_

Tim nodded, before realising that Tony would need a verbal answer,

"Sure... Okay."

He knew his response was slow, and God he was tired... maybe he could just sleep? Just for a bit. He allowed his eyes to slip closed slightly, before jolting back into awareness as a voice yelled at him down the phone,

"_Come on McGee, surely you know it's rude to fall asleep on someone in the middle of a conversation?"_

Tim almost smiled, a small amount of humour working its way into the tightness in his chest, allowing it to loosen a bit,

"So I can sleep if I hang up on you?"

"_No way McGee."_

A beeping right next to Tim's ear prompted him to look down at his phone... where the low battery symbol was flashing at him warningly. Huh. Putting the phone back to his ear he let out an un-amused laugh,

"Don't think I'm going to have much choice in a minute Tony. I'm almost out of power."

"_Ok...Ok. Hang up the phone McGee... but stay awake! I might need to call you if I can't find you alright? The fix wasn't definitive."_

"Alright... Ok, can do... "

He hung up the phone.

* * *

Tony cursed as the line went dead. He had told McGee to hang up, but it had been a hard call. Tim had sounded barely with it. Looking out of the windshield as he pulled out of the car park he could see why. The rain was pouring down still. He tried to remember how long it had been raining for. In Tim's state he might have gone out running in the rain, but if he assumed that McGee had just got lost in the activity, like he did when he was hacking, and hadn't noticed the rain starting... who knows how long he could have been getting soaked for.

And he couldn't forget he had also been running most of that time, so was probably exhausted as well as freezing. Not a good combination.

He was getting increasingly concerned. He had stared at the screen in shock when it had pulled up McGee's location. He was miles from his apartment. And when he said miles he meant _miles_. If McGee hadn't already told him he had left his car at his apartment, he would have assumed he had driven somewhere to go running rather than starting from home. He knew McGee had been working on improving his fitness level, they had even gone running together a couple of times in the past, and it had definitely been noticeable when they were on cases, but he doubted he had been running that distance regularly.

Mental note: get McGee to take a hot bath/ shower to sooth muscles.

He busied himself thinking of things that they would have to do after he picked up his friend so he wouldn't have to focus on how worried about him he was... or on anything else.

He thought they should probably go to McGee's apartment after he found him. It was closer and Tim would be able to get a change of clothes that he was comfortable in.

He also considered what he had in his car. He knew his NCIS jacket was in there, and he thought he had a spare waterproof as well. He thought he would take the jacket for McGee as it had more padding so would give a little bit more warmth.

He also thought about something to eat or drink. He knew that running that far McGee would need to replenish his energy and replace any fluid he had lost through sweating. He thought he might have a couple of energy bars or something stashed somewhere, but they could pick up something else to eat on their way back... he frowned as he remembered something McGee had said about pizza and beer? Had he been planning on coming over? Or sitting alone drinking?

He shook off the questions and focused as he got closer to his destination. He managed to pull into a parking space reasonably close to where McGee's phone signal had said he was located. Switching the heating on to full blast he left the engine running, hoping he wouldn't be too long. The signal had shown McGee was on the outskirts of the park so it should only take him a few minutes at most to get to him.

Getting out, he made a dash through the rain to get to the trunk of the car, throwing it open to give him some shelter. He quickly dug out the two coats he had remembered earlier, shrugging quickly into the thinner waterproof, and bundling up the NCIS jacket to give McGee. He pulled the hood up on his own jacket, grabbing a flashlight he spotted resting in the back of the car, before stepping out into the rain, and slamming the trunk closed.

Looking around, he spotted a path into the trees, and set off at a quick jog towards it, flicking the flashlight on as he did so. McGee had said he was leaning against a tree, so chances were he was on this path somewhere. He was a few metres in when he started calling out, hoping he would be heard over the rain pattering down around him. It had lessened slightly as he'd moved under the cover of the trees, and he hoped the quiet would allow his voice to travel.

"McGee? It's me, can you hear me?"

He jogged on a few more paces before trying again,

"Tim? Are you here?"

"Tony?"

He jogged quickly towards the voice, moving round a bend in the path, feeling the relief sweep through him at having got an answer. Turning the corner the beam on his flashlight found a figure slumped against a tree just a few metres up the path. Quickening his pace he moved towards his friend, face now turned towards him. He saw Tim start to move, leaning against the tree for support to help him stand.

He reached his friend right as he made it to his feet, just in time to offer support before he fell.

"Alright McGee, let's get this on you." He held out the coat he had brought with him, not commenting on the shaking in Tm's hands as he reached out to take it. He also didn't comment on the icy feel of Tim's skin or on the large amount of vomit his flashlight had illuminated on the ground. Some things were best left unsaid.

* * *

Tim worked his way into the jacket, still using Tony for support as he did so,

"Thanks for this Tony."

Tony offered him a small smile,

"Not a problem McGee. Come on, we need to get you out of this and into the warm... and did I hear there was pizza somewhere?"

"At home... and beer."

"Sounds like a plan."

After stumbling down the path a short way, Tim had found himself becoming more awake and aware of what was going on... and remembering why.

The pang in his chest had returned and it felt so tight. The memories washing over him. Jim's body. Burned. So badly burned...

He had stopped Tony as the images assaulted him, bracing himself against a tree as he gagged up watery bile, before dry heaving as he ran of anything to expel. Tony had rubbed his back, murmuring reassurances he hadn't even been able to understand. But it had helped. The reminder that Tony was there. Was _alive_.

It had helped until the smallest hint of relief crept in that Tony hadn't been on that call. Hadn't died. And then he hated himself.

He knew that it was confusing. He had seen people torn apart by grief, by guilt. He knew that he wasn't really saying he valued one friend's life above another, wasn't saying he was glad Jim was dead... but he felt as if he had. And he felt so guilty for that.

And then he felt guilty all over again, because if he wished the team had taken the call instead, was he saying he wished Tony, Ziva or Gibbs was dead?

He knew it wasn't that simple. Knew that he didn't wish anyone was dead, but it was a circle. A never ending circle of self loathing and all he could do in response was retch again, shaking as the complicated emotions conflicted all throughout his body.

And through it all Tony's hand had rubbed his back, talking about getting warm and dry. He had nodded in response, allowing Tony to guide him to the car again, not bothering to explain that the exhaustion and the cold had nothing to do with the latest bout of sickness.

Now that he was in the car, almost melting into the seat in relief as he could feel himself warming up, he forced the emotions down, closing his eyes trying to get control back, almost wishing for the numbness that he had fought so hard against earlier.

He kept his eyes closed even as he heard Tony sliding into the driver's seat.

He felt the car start to move, and allowed himself to drift, focusing on the sensation of warmth seeping slowly into his chilled body and nothing else.

* * *

Tony glanced over at his passenger, not even bothering to mask the concern on his face. Tim's eyes were closed as he leaned back into his seat. His face was taunt though, strained, which gave away he wasn't sleeping. It looked like he was focusing, trying to control himself.

Tony could understand that. Right now all that was holding him together was the fact that he had something else... someone else to focus on. Right now Tim needed his help and he kept his attention on that. He had to.

Because it was like when Kate died all over again. He had his own grief, and being so distracted by it had momentarily allowed himself to forget that Tim felt the same way. Except this time Tim going to deal with it on his own before Tony had found him had gone slightly further than standing staring at a morgue draw.

But it would be the same as it had been that time. Tony would remember, as he already had, would go to find Tim, check, and would remind him he wasn't alone in this, remind both of them they weren't alone. And then they could grieve together.

Before he knew it they had pulled up at Tim's apartment. He managed to find a parking spot right beside the Porsche, and glancing over he saw the pizza and beer sat in the back of the car. There was enough beer there for the two of them, and it was his favourite brand. He was willing to bet the pizza was his favourite as well, which would confirm his suspicions that Tim had been planning on coming over to see him. He wondered about what had changed that.

Shaking off the questions, he decided to focus on one thing at a time, looking over, he saw McGee opening his eyes in the passenger seat, and blinking. He was pretty sure that his silence had become actual sleep about halfway through the drive and had been grateful that Tim was getting some much needed rest.

"You got your car keys on you McGee?"

Tim nodded, obviously still waking up, before fumbling around in his pocket and producing the keys. Tony grabbed them from his hands and put them in his own pocket before getting out of the car. Tim seemed to be happy to follow his lead, opening his door and getting out. Tony pretended not to notice as he took a moment to steady himself by leaning on the car, settling for watching out of the corner of his eyes as he moved to the Porsche and got out the food and drink McGee had brought however many hours earlier.

By the time he had relocked McGee's car, the other man was stood on his own two feet and looked mostly steady there. He wanted to ask if Tim was alright walking up to his apartment, but figured if he needed help he'd ask for it.

Or pass out.

* * *

Thankfully Tim had managed to make it up the stairs to his apartment... Tony had had to help a little (a lot really), after the first flight, but they had made it.

"Here you go McGee." Tony gently lowered his friend into a chair, giving him a once over before putting the pizza and beer on the side.

"Thanks Tony."

Tony shrugged,

"Hey, it's what partners are for."

That granted him a small smile, and Tim looked in his direction.

"Yeah... but still... thanks."

"So..." he thought about entering into the needed conversation while Tim's guard was down, but remembering the vomit on the floor and looking at the exhaustion, he thought taking care of Tim physically was probably the priority,

"... how about we run you a hot bath and heat up this pizza huh?"

He watched a brief moment of indecision on Tim's face, before the temptation of the warmth obviously became too much and there was a small nod.

"Yeah... sure... that would be great." Tony moved forward quickly as Tim went to stand, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder and pushing him back down.

"No way McFrozen, you stay right there, I can do it." He watched as Tim opened his mouth to protest, before a shiver worked through his body and it snapped shut in reluctant agreement.

"Fine..."

"Great. I'll be right back. Stay put!" He ordered, moving quickly towards where he knew the bathroom to be.

He soon had the water running hot, and returned to the front room, pleased, but slightly worried to find McGee still sat down, Tony's jacket wrapped tightly around him. His attention seemed to be held by something on the desk. Tony followed his line of sight and winced in sympathy.

There was a framed photo of three men, caught mid laugh, all facing the camera and with their arms over each other's shoulders. Tim was stood on one end, and he recognised Jim as the man in the middle and his partner as the guy on the other side.

Oh Tim.

Deciding not to mention it for now he wandered back into the room and towards the kitchen, plucking the pizza off of the side on his way and bringing it with him.

Setting the box on the counter he opened the lid... and shook his head with a fond smile as he saw his favourite toppings covering the whole thing. Tim had definitely been planning on coming over.

He tried not to think too hard about that. About Tim knocking on his door hopefully, receiving no answer because he was with Jeanne and had forgotten his partner would probably need him.

...About Tim feeling he had no other option and going running in the rain.

_Not_ thinking about that.

He knew Tim would feel even worse if he knew he was feeling guilty.

"I'm just gonna heat this up McGee." He called out for the younger man's benefit, hoping it would snap him out of his daze.

Looking at the beer on the side, he decided to hold off on that for now. The last thing McGee needed, physically at least, was alcohol.

When he wandered back into the room after putting the Pizza on, McGee looked slightly more with it, his gaze no longer focused on the photo. He looked up at Tony as he entered the room, offering him a small nod, his gaze darted away after a second though and he didn't meet his eyes.

"I'll just go check on that bath." Tony said quietly. He could see from McGee's face that something was bugging him, but again, didn't feel like he should push right now.

* * *

It was as he walked back in from the bathroom that McGee, back to him, suddenly blurted out.

"I told his wife."

Tony froze in his tracks for a moment, horror sweeping through him at the implications. He forced himself to keep walking, dropping down in a chair facing McGee. From the look on the younger man's face it was a good thing he'd stopped the water running.

"Jim's?" He asked hesitantly,

McGee nodded, looking off into the distance,

"She'd been out of town on a business trip the last couple of days. They hadn't been able to get hold of her. Agen... Paula was going to... but..."

Tim trailed off, and Tony felt a pang of grief in his own chest as Tim stumbled over Paula's name. Sure he hadn't really known her, but they'd worked together before, and Tony could see her death was affecting Tim as well as Jim's and his partner's.

Tim took a deep breath, and Tony stayed silent, not wanting to interrupt something Tim so obviously needed to say.

"I... I told the director I wanted to do it... I owe... _Owed_ Jim that much."

He watched as Tim physically forced out the past tense when talking about his friend. He'd seen the same thing after Kate's death, so many times, as Tim had to consciously make the decision to switch between the present and the past tense. It made it... sadder somehow. More heartbreaking. As if Tim lost them over again each time.

"She wasn't back yet by the time I got there... So I just sat in the car and waited. I don't... I don't know how long it was but eventually she was there... I watched as she got out of the car..."

Tim trailed off, breathing deeply again, and Tony could hear the hitch to it. He forced himself to stay silent, because nothing he could say right now would help, and Tim obviously needed to talk about this.

"She... God she was so happy... I could see her singing to herself and smiling... And I...I froze. I tried to get out of the car but... I couldn't."

Tim lowered his head, and Tony moved, reaching out a hand to... do something... _anything_ to change the heartbreaking picture McGee was making right then. His hand landed on Tim's shoulder, as a show of silent support, and as a result he both felt and saw the fortifying breath shake through him before he started talking again.

"I... I made myself get out... I walked up to the door and knocked... God she smiled at me so brightly when she opened it. We'd met up a few times while they were dating and before the wedding... became friends... "

There was a small smile on McGee's face for a second, as he obviously remembered some of what he was talking about, before the desolate, broken look was back,

"... she looked at my face and just... _crumpled..._ she was shaking her head, and I could see the tears... she just sort of whispered _**'no'...**_ and... I tried to tell her... tried to get through it... but I think I just blurted it out, that he was gone... The next thing I know we're both in the lounge, and I'm standing there holding her as she cries... telling her how _sorry_ I am..."

Tony can picture it. Can picture McGee desperately trying to hold it together long enough to comfort his friend's wife, to tell her what needs to be said. Because McGee is still the same man that writes a sympathy note to a stranger's family, simply because she touched his life for a single day. He lets the hand still resting on McGee's shoulder give it a gentle squeeze.

"... And then I apologised... I told her it was supposed to be our team... supposed to be me there, not him... That I was so sorry... And she... she slapped me..."

Tony feels a moment of rage. He knows, _knows_ that the woman was grieving. But _Tim _was hurting too and that's what he's focused on right now. Tim's next words however, erase the rage and just fuel the tugging in his gut and stinging behind his eyes.

"...She told me I was an idiot... and that she never wanted to hear me say that again... she said Jim knew the risks... and... and that he'd never forgive me for thinking I was less worthy of living than he was... and she just pulled me in tighter..."

And Tony is simultaneously amazed by this woman and understanding why she and McGee hit it off. Absently his thumb starts rubbing soothing circles on McGee's shoulder.

"...I stayed for a while... called a friend of hers and waited with her until she came over... and then I just... I _couldn't_ stay any more... not when... not when she kept trying to tell me it wasn't my fault... that she didn't blame me and that I shouldn't blame myself..."

"And you went running?"

Tony finished quietly.

Tim hesitated for a bit before nodding, finally glancing away from the floor and making eye contact,

"Yeah... I went running."

Tony nodded, squeezing his shoulder again,

"She's right you know."

Tim looked at him sharply and he kept talking,

"It's not your fault Tim. It's no one's fault but the guy who set the bomb."

Tim sighed.

"I know that. I do... I just can't help feeling so guilty... you know?"

And he did know, he nodded his head and gripped Tim's shoulder again, swallowing,

"Yeah, Yeah I do."

Tim offered him a look of understanding, but Tony could see in his eyes there was something else he was holding back. Almost as if he knew what Tony was thinking McGee's gaze slipped from his.

"So... the pizza."

Tony nodded, deciding to let whatever it was go.

"Yeah, I'll go get it out."

He stood, and was almost away when he heard McGee talk again.

"It wasn't your fault either Tony."

He froze. Breathing deeply through the pang in his chest, and closing his eyes at the image of flames and the feel of heating concrete on skin.

"I know." He whispered in reply, twisting slightly and offering McGee a small smile,

"But I guess it's gonna take us both a while to stop feeling like it is huh?"

They shared a look of understanding.

"So... pizza or bath first McGee?"

Tim's stomach growled.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed it! There might be a third part on this ep where I go on to do the boys supporting each other through the funerals (or a combined funeral not sure yet), or the next one will be on the ep cover story.**


	14. Grief and Guilt part 3

**Hey guys, this one's shorter, just to round up the Grace period events. I think I need to do a light hearted one after this- or maybe after the next one.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, and all of them before that, it is greatly appreciated, and I'm glad you're enjoying this.**

**Just as a reminder it will go AU eventually, otherwise I'll be tempted to continue forever and I have other things I want to work on. I'm thinking maybe in Caged with Tim getting hurt in the prison riot, but not sure yet. Please feel free to tell me about any Tim/Tony interactions you'd like to see expanded on! I have a tentative plan but I skip quite a few episodes so I might look to add to it.**

* * *

Tim looked at his reflection in the mirror, tugging on his tie and jacket, trying to straighten them out. His badge was on display, black mourning band prominent across the gold shield.

He froze as he heard the door open, eyes darting to where his gun rested on the side and he reached for it...

"McGee! You ready to go?"

He relaxed from his tense stance, breathing a sigh of relief, even as he rolled his eyes. He walked out of his bedroom to find Tony stood in his apartment, dressed in a black suit similar to his own.

"You know I gave you that key for emergencies right?"

He asked, walking over and picking up his keys and wallet. He turned round in time to see Tony shrug, unrepentant grin on his face,

"It saved you having to answer the door didn't it?"

Tim just shook his head,

"What are you doing here?"

"I thought I'd ride with you." All traces of humour were gone from Tony's face as Tim peered at him, "I know I didn't know him... but from what you've said he was a great guy and..."

Tony trailed off and Tim felt a small amount of warmth in him as he heard what Tony left unsaid. He knew Tim needed the support today.

"Thank you."

Tony shrugged,

"Partners, remember?"

"Like you'd ever let me forget."

That earned him an actual smile,

"Never McGee... especially when it gets me a ride in a certain car...?"

Tim rolled his eyes,

"Sure Tony, you can ride with me."

* * *

_Two days earlier:_

_Tony looked up as McGee walked into the bullpen, his badge is on his belt, a black strip running across the gold standing out sharply. He silently places a cup of coffee on the edge of his desk as he walks past. Tony acknowledges it with a nod, not bothering to tell Tim he didn't need to do anything to thank him._

_He'd slept over at Tim's on the night he'd picked him up from his run. They'd hung out for a few hours the next day, swapping stories of Paula and Jim, and eventually beginning to smile and even laugh at the tales the other had to tell._

_It had been good for both of them._

_Tim had just sat down when his phone started to ring,_

"_McGee?"_

_Tony tried to watch unobtrusively as he saw McGee freeze for a moment._

"_Hey... How are- sorry, do you need anything?"_

_He had a pretty good idea of who was on the other end of the line, which was only confirmed as the conversation continued,_

"_... I'll definitely be there, thanks for letting me know..."_

"_...I'm not sure if I can..."_

"_...No. No, it's what he wanted. I'll do it."_

"_...Do you want me to come over?... It's anything but a problem. I'll see you then."_

_He watched as Tim stared at the phone for a minute, before putting it away. They were the only two in the bullpen so far, so there was no one else to see. Standing up he walked over to Tim's desk, grabbing his arm and pulling him up,_

"_Come on McGee... let's go talk."_

_Taking a leaf out of Gibbs' book he walked into the elevator, flipping the switch after a few seconds to give them privacy. He turned to look at Tim who still looked vaguely dazed._

"_So..." McGee's eyes snapped to his, "I'm guessing that was Jim's wife on the phone?"_

_Tim hesitated, but Tony saw the answer in his eyes even before he nodded,_

"_Yeah... she uhh... she wanted to let me know... they're having the funeral in a couple of days."_

_Tony nods having guessed as much, but from the looks of it there's something else, as Tim runs his hands through his hair._

"_What else?"_

_Tim looks at him sharply, and he simply stares back,_

"_It's obvious something else is bothering you McGee."_

"_She... apparently he wanted me to speak... And I'm not sure if I can do it."_

_Tony doesn't know what to say. What can you say to that really? But Tim's looking at him as if he wants advice._

"_Do you want to do it?"_

"_Yes! Of course I do... but... God Tony, what would I say?"_

"_McGee...Tim, you say whatever you want. He was your friend McGee, show everyone why."_

_They hadn't talked about it after that, but Tony watched as Tim worried over it over the next few hours, and into the following day._

_After McGee had left for the night on the evening before the funeral, Tony had wandered over to Gibbs' desk and quietly told him that he would be taking the morning off tomorrow. For personal reasons._

* * *

This was how he found himself standing next to Tim, watching the mourners file in. They were stood at the back of the room next to the doors. As he watched Tim looked ready to bolt.

He put his hand on his shoulder and leaned in,

"You can do this McGee."

Tim nodded, but Tony could see in his face he didn't believe it.

"You can McGee. You've told me so much about him... you'll know what to say."

He would have said something else, but just then a woman came through the crowd heading straight for them.

"Tim!"

Tim offered the woman a small smile,

"Chris. Hey." He leaned down and pulled her into his arms. Tony watched as she rested her head on his shoulder and took a couple of deep breaths before pulling back.

"Thank you for coming."

"I wouldn't have missed it. Not this." He told her quietly, and her lips trembled slightly in response.

"Tony, this is Christine Nelson."

Jim's wife. Tony looked at her again, could see how she was barely holding it together, the unshed tears pooling in her eyes.

He held out a hand,

"I'm so sorry we had to meet like this. From what Tim's told me he was a great man."

She shook his hand and offered him a watery smile,

"Thank you. Tim says the same about you."

Tony let her hand drop, offering his partner a small glance, but Tim is entirely focussed on the grieving woman.

"I hope it's okay that I brought..."

She waves him off pulling him into another hug,

"I told you to bring whoever you needed. It's hard for both of us."

They hang on slightly longer this time, and Tony can't help but feel like he's intruding somehow.

But he stays. Because Tim didn't contradict her when she talked about needing him, so there's no way he's leaving now.

* * *

They sit next to each other for the service, and Tony feels even more uncomfortable. Tim has been sat in the front row next to Christine and other members of the family, being greeted as if he is one of them. He thought about sliding away discreetly towards the back as people started sitting down, but Jim's wife had stopped him.

She had nudged him in the back as he went to move, causing him to look at her.

"Stay here... he needs you." She'd told him, looking pointedly at Tim, who just at that moment finishes a conversation with someone, and looks around, a slight relief filling his eyes when he sees Tony. After that nothing will make him move, and the slight feeling of intruding is worth it.

Because if Tim needs someone he doesn't have to stay strong for right now, someone who's there for him to lean on rather than the other way around, then he's happy to be that.

Because that's what partners do.

* * *

He wipes his suddenly sweaty palms, as he looks up to face everyone. He takes in the faces streaked with tears, the silence... the way everyone's eyes seem to gravitate to the coffin beside him.

He wants to run.

Because how can anything he says up here be good enough? Be _enough_ full stop?

His eyes move to the front row and he sees Tony. Tony who turns up on his doorstep out of the blue just because he knows Tim will need him. Tony believes he can do this.

"_He was your friend McGee, show them why."_

He takes a deep breath and begins.

"Jim Nelson, was a friend, a husband...someone that everyone could count on, but most importantly, he was a hero..."

* * *

Tony watches as Tim finishes his speech. Watches as he chokes on emotion as he recounts everything that made this man so great to him.

"... he was one of the greatest people I have ever known... and it was an _honour_."

Looking around Tony can see people nodding in agreement with everything Tim has just said, some still with hits of watery smiles from the stories he told.

He feels more like he's intruded than ever before.

But then Tim hurries away from the front, comes to sit down next to him, still tense and looking as though he'll lose it any minute.

Just like he did a few nights ago Tony reaches and places a hand on his shoulder, feeling the tense muscles beneath his hands,

"You did good McGee."

He whispers... and Tim relaxes slightly, like he needed to hear that he'd done Jim justice.

This is why he's here.

* * *

He ends up driving Tim home, and is once again glad he came.

Tim had looked exhausted and tense, as if he'd been holding himself together for everyone else and, apart from the speech earlier, hadn't really had the chance to give into his own grief.

Which Tony knows he hasn't, because he watched him.

Watched him walk around next to Chris, squeezing her hand when people's condolences became too much. Pulling her close and letting her cry on his shoulder.

Helping her sister to usher everyone out and tidy up when it really had become too much for her to handle.

As they had walked out of the door Tim had just seemed to... slump. As if he didn't need to hold himself up any more.

"I think you should give me the keys Tim." He suggests gently. Taking in the slight shaking of the hands. Tim digs in his pocket and hands them over without protest.

Tony squeezes his shoulder in support before moving round to the driver's side of the car, waiting patiently behind the wheel until Tim nearly falls into the passenger seat, leaning back and closing his eyes.

He starts the engine and pulls out of the drive.

The 'Thank you' is small, quiet but heartfelt.

"You're welcome."

They don't say anything after that.

* * *

A small frown mars Tony's face as he attempts to straighten the tie in the mirror. He wants to look his best, this is Paula's funeral. She deserves that much from him.

He almost growls in frustration as his suit doesn't seem to want to cooperate, and everything just looks wrong.

There's a knock on the door.

He continues trying to put his tie on straight as he makes his way over to answer it, vaguely wondering who would be knocking for him as he's not expecting anyone. Flinging the door open he doesn't know what to say as Tim turns to face him, dressed much as he was two days ago when Tony went to his flat.

Tim raises an eyebrow at him,

"You ready to go DiNozzo?"

Tony just stares some more, a small hint of gratefulness building up as Tim pulls the keys out of his pocket,

"I even brought the car; sorry I made you answer the door though."

Tony steps back to allow him into the apartment, a small smile quirking on his face for a moment.

"Just... give me a second McGee."

He had known that the rest of the team were probably going to Paula's funeral, as they had all known her in some way, but he hadn't expected Tim on his doorstep. Shaking his head he looked in the mirror again, frowning as his tie still didn't seem to fit right.

Suddenly there was a hand taking over from his, jerking the tie into position.

"Better?"

McGee asked, and Tony could see the understanding in his gaze as he looks at Tim's eyes in the mirror. He nods.

"Thanks."

There's a small smile on Tim's face as he replies,

"Partners, remember?"

Tony smiles slightly in response as he quotes back,

"Like you'd ever let me forget."


	15. Their quota is filled

This time was different. This time it wasn't Tim that turned up on Tony's door, pizza and beer held like a peace offering... or an advanced thank you for the evening ahead.

Tim stared at Tony, stood on his doorstep, feeling as though everything was backwards... and it was.

It was wrong. Tony shouldn't be here. He should be...

He should be _mad_. He should be _angry_ at him, possibly considering never talking to him again.

Honestly, no matter how much it hurt his chest to think that... he wouldn't blame him.

Because it was _his fault_. Gibbs should have slapped the cuffs on him. He should be down in a holding cell too.

People were _dead_ because of him.

As in _gone forever_. And it was _his fault_.

It was his fault that there were people out there now, grieving for their losses.

So Tony _shouldn't _be here. Shouldn't try to comfort him.

He didn't deserve that.

"Gonna let me in Tim? Pizza's getting cold."

He sees Tony's gaze sweeping over him, and flicking into the apartment behind him. He doesn't look as though he's mad at him. He looks worried.

And he shouldn't be. It was his own fault. His own _stupid_ fault.

And he would have to live with that. Because nothing could make it right.

He steps out of the way anyway, letting Tony move inside.

Because even though it feels like he doesn't deserve this... even though he knows he doesn't deserve the comfort Tony's offering...

He wants it.

He shuts the door. Pausing for a moment and sliding all of the locks into place, checking them all twice.

Because he won't let his guard down again because he feels like he should be safe... like in a coffee shop.

Won't let another friend get hurt because of it.

When he turns around Tony is still holding the food and watching him. They don't say anything for a moment and Tony turns away, moving deeper into the apartment and setting the food on the side, before something catches his notice.

Tim moves into the kitchen, not quite sure what he's doing. He can't bring himself to care that Tony is snooping in his apartment. Normally he would mind, would protest and step in his way.

But this isn't a normal situation.

He pours himself a glass of water, just turning off the tap when someone else enters the room.

"So..." Tony starts, "Back to writing?"

Tim sighs. He knows now what Tony was looking at. He turns to face him, setting the glass of water down.

"I thought it was appropriate."

"Obviously." Tony raises an eyebrow. "Care to explain?"

"It was my fault."

Tony snorts,

"No it wasn't."

Tim looks at him exasperated,

"Of course it was. I shouldn't have written the books."

Tony shrugs,

"That's a completely different argument."

Tim raises an eyebrow, anger starting to show as he begins shouting,

"How Tony! How is it different? It's because I did that... that he..."

"What happened today wasn't your fault Tim." Tony doesn't shout, just keeps his voice calm, but earnest, as if he's talking to a spooked animal that will lash out at any moment.

Tim lets out a humourless laugh.

"I chose to put them in there Tony. I did that. Me."

Tony shrugs,

"You wrote about two guys you didn't even know McGee. Passed them in the street and just made up a whole story about their lives. Kids do it every day."

"But that doesn't get people _killed_ Tony."

Tony is still looking at him, but now he moves closer.

"And you didn't _mean_ for this to happen. Just like those kids, you made up a story for entertainment. Unless you sat at your typewriter and said to yourself, _'hey wouldn't it be great if these guys really turned up dead'_ you have nothing to blame yourself for. If it wasn't your book it would have been someone else's. The guy was _crazy_ McGee!"

"And I talked to him Tony! Every day! And I _didn't notice_!"

Tony's eyes light up, as if he's suddenly understood something,

"You blame yourself for not noticing his obsession."

Tim rubbed his hands over his face,

"How can I not Tony? And it's not just that! I wrote about real people Tony... real people. You guys, all of you, I basically told everyone everything they needed to know to target us, and then I couldn't even spot a psychopath obsessed with my work when I spoke to him _every morning_!"

Tony's still looking at him as if he doesn't blame him and it's too much. His voice comes out broken in the next sentence, wanting to show Tony just how badly he's screwed up.

"McGreggor has a sister. The day before the killing started I wrote an idea about them having an argument, because Sarah had yelled at me on the phone. God Tony... I didn't even _remember_ until we had him... and then Sarah wouldn't pick up her phone..."

There's a look of horror on Tony's face, and Tim finally thinks that he might have gotten through, reminded Tony that this is his fault... but then Tony is right next to him, a comforting hand on his arm,

"She's ok though, right McGee? She's alright?"

He nods, closing his eyes as he remembers the moment when he didn't know that. When he had no idea if his sister was dead somewhere because he'd been _stupid _enough...

Tony's hand is still on him, dragging him out of the kitchen and onto the couch, shoving him down and placing a beer in his hands.

"Tell me what happened McGee."

Tim rolls the bottle around in his hands, not sure what he wants to say.

"Why aren't you angry?"

Tony looks at him like he's gone insane,

"Why would I be?"

"The book... you've always hated that I wrote the book."

Tony stares at him a moment longer and then snorts,

"Seriously? I know you saw that copy at my house McGee. I've read it, I'm over it."

Tim raises an eyebrow, because he's pretty sure Tony's not over it. The other man rolls his eyes,

"I'm being serious McGee... I get it."

Tim leans back and takes a sip of the beer in his hand, shaking his head,

"I really don't think you do."

It's Tony's turn to raise an eyebrow,

"I can tell you if you'd like?... I'll admit it took me a while, and I had help but I promise you McGee, I'm not mad that you wrote the book."

Tim stares at him hard, and Tony sighs, taking a sip of his own beer.

"Fine, I'll tell you the story and then you tell me yours, deal?"

Tim nods hesitantly. There's really not much to tell, but it's still... It's personal.

Tony offers him a smile, that he doesn't even attempt to return and starts talking,

"Alright then! Well, after the case with your sister was over..."

* * *

_Tony looked around the empty apartment. This wasn't right. _

_Normally, after a day like today Tim would have been here by now. Been here offering a pizza and beer, as Tony waved him inside and wordlessly slid on a movie he could recite by heart already. _

_That meant that he wouldn't have to be paying attention to what was on screen, and rather look at the man next to him and conveniently pause the movie whenever he looked like he was ready to talk about what was bothering him._

_But today he wasn't here. And Tony felt quite grateful for that._

_He slammed his bag down on the floor. Some of the anger had drained as he'd watched McGee holding his sister, trying to calm her down, reassure her. _

_And after he'd heard Gibbs saying McGee had _quit_... that had frozen him for a moment._

_But the book..._

_The book still made him angry. It made him mad that Tim had written about them without their consent. Had published something about all of them for the world to see. _

_It made him angry that Tim hadn't told him about it. Hadn't revealed to him that the writing habit he had mentioned so long ago had become something more._

_His partner was a published author and he didn't even know._

_His partner had a _sister _and he _didn't know_._

_He sighed as what was really bothering him came into his head. _

_The idea that, outside of work, maybe McGee didn't trust him after all._

_So for the next few weeks if he acted a little colder, a little more distant, and made the occasional jab at McGee and the book, what did it matter?_

* * *

_The phone call came as soon as he got home after their latest case. He'd simply slug his bag onto a nearby chair, and was about to route around in the kitchen for something to eat, when his cell went off._

_At first dreading it might be another call out, he frowned as the unknown number flashed at him. He carefully checked which cell he'd pulled out, not wanting to blow the whole operation by answering a call carelessly. _

_It was his usual one... but it still couldn't hurt to be careful. He mumbled as he answered, trying to make sure the name could be heard as either "DiNozzo" or "DiNardo."_

"Agent Tommy?"

_He let his guard down at the voice coming over the line, before a small frown came onto his forehead,_

"_The mini McGee?"_

_He could almost hear the eye roll,_

"Yeah."

"_How did you get my number?"_

"Ummm... you have to promise me you won't tell Tim I called you."

_He frowned again,_

"_Ok... unless you're in some kind of trouble."_

_He knew he and McGee were going through... a rough patch right now, but he wasn't going to turn away his baby sister if she needed help... he wasn't that mad at the guy._

"I'm not... It's Tim."

_Tony felt himself freeze. _

"_What... What's wrong with Tim?"_

"He's... have you read his book?"

_That was... not what he was expecting._

"_No... at least not all the way through."_

_He heard her sigh on the other end,_

"I thought not... listen, don't... don't be mad at him. It's my fault really_."_

_Tony was really confused now. He had no idea what was going on._

"_What?"_

"I know... I know you guys might have been mad at him... but it's not his fault. He's been writing for years and never published anything. He read a load of his stories to me when we were younger, and... well I knew he was still writing as we got older but he never showed me anything... and then one day you guys were out on a case, and I didn't get the message that he wouldn't be back home in time so I went round and let myself in... and it was lying out and I read it and...it was really good_."_

_Tony thinks he sees where this is going,_

"_So you persuaded him to publish it."_

"It took forever for him to agree. He said it wasn't designed for reading. It took me ages to understand."

_Tony frowns again now,_

"_To understand what?"_

_She sighs,_

"Why he wrote it. I mean he wrote a whole book... and probably others, but never for anyone to read them."

_Tony's frown deepens. She has a point there. He sits down on the couch, feeling like this may be a long conversation,_

"_So why did he?"_

"Well... as far as I can tell... to cope."

"_What?"_

"It's... when you guys are writing a report, you can't put in what you really think about a case, about a crime scene... that it was disgusting, disturbing... whatever. And that bothers him... he... he doesn't want to write about all of that in such neat language that eventually he stops viewing it like a human being... am I making sense?"

_Tony nods, before realising she can't see him,_

"_Yeah... yeah."_

"Read the book Tommy... you might be surprised."

_He has to give a small smile even as he processes what she's just told him... and how much sense it makes._

"_You do know my name's Tony right?"_

_She laughs,_

"Of course, Tim's told me all about you... and I don't mean in the book."

_Something inside him warms at that. He's about to say goodbye to her when he's reminded of his earlier question,_

"_You never said how you got this number?"_

"Oh right. Tim gave me a new phone when you guys had mine as evidence. He put all my old stuff back on it for me and programmed your number in... I'm really only supposed to use it in emergencies when I can't get hold of him."

_He had to laugh, as the warm feeling grows._

"_Night Sarah... and thanks."_

_She hangs up._

_Tony looks down at his phone, quickly programming the number in._

_McGee may not have told him about his sister, but he trusts him enough, that even when they're in an argument he gives her Tony's number to call if she needs help. Trusting him to help his baby sister. A woman he quit the job he loved for. Who he _**lied to Gibbs** _for._

_Tony thinks that's more than enough for him._

_And, if she read the book and thought she should call him and get them to make up... it can't have made him look _bad...

_He glances at the copy that's just been sitting on the side, shoved behind other things since he brought it home, picking it up and weighing it in his hands._

_He starts to read._

* * *

(He doesn't tell Tim that the morning after this is when McGee walked in to find a Nutter- Butter neatly placed on his desk- although from the slight smile he probably suspects.

What he doesn't know is that Ziva also had a present on her desk- a copy of Tim's book with certain sections highlighted... or how he saw her soft smile whenever someone mentioned the words loyal, elegant, or kick-ass for a few days after that... or how he strongly suspects it's now her personal mission to prove her capability as _' the only agent able to reduce a suspect to tears at the mere mention of her name after a two minute interrogation'_

There are some things he doesn't need to know.)

* * *

There's silence for a few seconds after Tony finishes his story, neither of them really look at each other or even say anything.

Tim takes a sip of his beer before taking a deep breath and starting.

"After Gibbs put Landon in interrogation... I went down into the observation room... "

* * *

_Tim stared through the observation window, remembering all the mornings the man in front of him had smiled and served him coffee, asking about his day, his work._

_He tried to imagine that same man looking through his trash, painstakingly reading the old typewriter ribbons._

_He couldn't. It felt too surreal._

_These kind of things didn't happen to him. People didn't become obsessed with his work. With him. It just didn't happen._

_But it had. He closed his eyes as he saw Abby, saw Landon stood over her, ready to kill her because he thought she was a threat to him._

_He saw the bodies down in autopsy... there because of him._

_Who else could have ended up there if they hadn't figured it out in time?_

_Tony because Tommy pulled a prank?_

_Gibbs because Tibbs demanded something McGregor couldn't do?_

_...Sarah because McGregor's little sister had an argument with him?_

_Opening his eyes and looking back through the window, he pulled out his phone, unable to put off the call despite the late hour._

_It rang... and rang..._

_No. Please. No._

_The call went to voicemail, and fear swept through him. _

_Surely he would have mentioned saving Tim... McGregor, from his little sister. Right?_

_Swallowing, and fighting the urge to charge into the interrogation room, or get in his car and drive to the university he dialled again._

_It just rang through to voicemail again._

_He was sure a strangled moan escaped him._

_No. No. No. NO._

_Taking a glance at the man through the glass he dismissed the idea of going in there. There was no guarantee the man would make sense, or would tell him what he wanted to know in time. Or tell him the truth at all._

_He darted out of the observation room, dialling once more even as he did so._

"_Hi, this is Sarah McGee, Sorry I can't..."_

_He hung up and tried again._

_Not caring that he was probably expected to stay in the building, he dashed for the car park, hastily unlocking the Porsche and flinging himself into the driver's seat, listening to Sarah's voicemail message playing in his ear once again._

_Please Sarah. Please._

_He left a message this time, forcing his voice to stay calm as his car engine roared and he drove as fast as he dared._

"_Sarah its Tim, call me _as soon as you get this_. I know we had our check in this morning... or yesterday morning now I suppose" he amended, glancing at the clock on the dashboard "...but I haven't heard from you since and... Just call me."_

_He hung up and took a deep breath. Sarah was probably fine. He was overreacting._

_She was fine. She had to be._

* * *

_He swung his car into the first space he could find as soon as he arrived on campus, getting out the moment the engine cut, and barely noticing if he locked the door or not. _

_He took the fastest route he knew to Sarah's dorm, hearing his heart thudding in his chest the whole time._

_She was fine. _

_Please God let her be fine._

_In his haste he barely noticed as he almost slammed into a campus security officer, who frowned at him,_

"_Sir, what..."_

_Not waiting for the man to finish he fished his badge out of his pocket and flashed it at him._

"_Federal Agent, My sister lives in the dorms."_

_The man still went to stop him,_

"_Sir I can't..."_

_McGee faced him fully, knowing the desperation was clear on his face,_

"_The case I've been working on means she's potentially in danger, she hasn't answered her phone and... I just need to see she's alright."_

_The security officer's face softened and he nodded towards the building._

"_Alright... call the security office if there are any problems."_

_Not bothering to say anything else Tim nodded in thanks and ran off._

_He prayed he wouldn't have to make that phone call._

* * *

_When he got outside of Sarah's room he almost couldn't bring himself to knock on the door._

_Because if she wasn't behind it... how was he ever going to live with that?_

_He didn't think he could._

_Steeling himself he knocked anyway. _

_Every second it went unanswered he felt his pulse increasing, and the mantra of no, no, no, was repeating over in his head._

Please_ No._

_... And then the door opened._

_He barely took in Sarah's 'just rolled out of bed look' before he had his arms wrapped round her and felt himself breathing easily for the first time in what felt like hours._

_She was warm and safe and alive._

Alive.

"_Tim?"_

_He pulled back at the questioning voice muffled by his chest, seeing her looking up at him, first with curiosity and then with worry,_

"_What's wrong?"_

_He shook his head, not wanting to explain it all to her. Not now._

"_Tough case... I just needed to see you. Check you were ok."_

_She raised an eyebrow at him,_

"_How bad?"_

_He grimaced, picturing the bodies in autopsy, Landon in interrogation, Abby sat on a couch..._

"_Bad."_

_She nodded, and wriggled her way out of his arms and back into her room, grabbing a sweatshirt and sliding on the first pair of shoes she saw._

_Tim watched in confusion as she made her way back over to him, grabbing him by the arm. _

"_Come on, we'll go to some rubbish all night diner somewhere and I can tell you all about this essay I'm doing..."_

* * *

Tony watched as Tim swallowed the last of his beer.

"Gibbs should have arrested me."

Tony raised an eyebrow at that. It made no sense.

"For what McGee? Being a computer nerd that owns a typewriter? Is it against the modern-tech-lover code or something?"

He was glad that that gained him a small huffed laugh.

"Funny DiNozzo... It's my fault they died."

Tony shook his head,

"We've been over this, no it's not."

Tim shook his head and reached for another beer. Tony grabbed his hand and stopped him.

"It wasn't your fault Tim."

McGee refused to look at him so he carried on talking,

"When we deal with the deaths of sailors, do you think it's their recruiting officer's fault they died?"

Tim looked at him sharply,

"What?"

"You know, the officers recruited them, put them in that position, if they hadn't they wouldn't have died."

"Tony it's not..."

Tony interrupted him,

"It is the same thing Tim. You don't blame the recruiting officer, you blame the guy with the gun... or the lead piping, or the candle stick for all I know. It was Landon. Not you... McGee, the man was _crazy_, he could have latched onto the characters in any book out there, it just happened to be yours. Not your fault."

Tim sighed and leaned back, and Tony thought he was finally getting through.

"Then why do I feel like it is?"

Tony shrugged, small smile on his face,

"Because you're a good person... and you would probably take the blame for world hunger if you could find a way."

Tim snorted and there was a slight curve in his lips, Tony counted that as a win.

"The only reason we were able to stop him was that we had you... You're a good Agent Tim... which is why..."

He stood up and saw Tim's eyes follow him as he made his way over to the computer, pointing at the screen,

"you writing _this __**is**_ making me mad."

Without waiting for a reply he closed the document without saving it... fully aware McGee could probably have it back in moments... but that wasn't the point. The gesture was.

He flopped back down on the couch, grabbing the pizza box and offering it to McGee, who still hadn't said a word. He picked up the remote and switched the TV on, finding some poorly made sci-fi rerun they could critique.

"Seriously McGee... no more resignations for at least a year. I think the team has filled its quota... even if that one may have been the most eloquent yet."

Tim didn't say anything else that wasn't about the show, but he was sat at his desk and there was coffee waiting for Tony the next time they went in.

Definitely a win.


End file.
